Professor: No drinking and driving this weekend! No drugs! …and no babies.

Ball State University
Muncie, Indiana

Overheard by: Sara

Guy: Egg salad is a dish best served cold.

Overheard by: alyssa

Mom to running, laughing child: Stop running! You can have fun when we get home.

Bowling Green, Kentucky

Overheard by: shannon

Random guy: Man, you just gotta cowboy the fuck up and tell the dumb bitch you’re doing her in the ass!

Moe’s Southwest Grill
Norman, Oklahoma

Guy on cell: Now turn it on and set it to cow mode… Right, but be sure it’s in cow mode… No, you’ll know when it’s in cow mode.

Kroger Grocery
Conway, Arkansas

Overheard by: Not sure I want to know

Thesis advisor to uncomfortable-looking advisees: You girls might be too young for it, but if you ever have the chance to have sex on a water bed, you should do it.

Colgate University
Madison County, New York

Drunk guy: Everyone in this room should get hair extensions.


Overheard by: Meech

Young bearded hipster to college girl: They keep telling me anal bleaching is the way to go, but do girls really notice that stuff?

Manhattan, New York

Cab driver, ending phone call: That's why you never marry a chick that'll swallow for an extra $20. Can't believe people like that are on Craigslist!

Boston, Massachusetts

Hobo #1, holding gallon of water: I’ve been trying to drink a lot of water. You need to clear that toxic shit out. You collect lots of, uh, what they called? Endorsements. Your body just builds up these endorsements, and they poison you! I think that’s what they’re called… You know what I mean?
Hobo #2: [Nods knowingly.]

San Francisco, California

Overheard by: Rich