Dude to two chicks: So, my friends are really nice… Just don’t accept any drinks from them.

Overheard by: nate

Girl #1: Dude, my phone is ringing but I don't want to pick it up…I'm too high right now.
Girl #2: Pick it up, it may be important.
Girl #1 (picking it up): Hello? (hangs up)
Girl #2: Well, who was it?
Girl #1: I don't know, just a bunch of voices.

New Brunswick, New Jersey

Overheard by: Zboots1

Girl #1: That’s bad luck!
Girl #2: What’s bad luck?
Girl #1: Putting purses on your floor. You might as well put your menstrual blood on your face!

Professor of Physiological Psychology: … And that’s why you go down to the crackhouse with a wad of cash.

Rutgers University
New Jersey

Loud eighth grader: Michael's such a douche, all he wants to do is get in my pants.
Even louder teacher: You're in eighth grade, you shouldn't be letting anybody in your pants!

Potomac, Maryland

Overheard by: Math is my new favorite subject…

Girl #1: Do you think I could wash my clothes with fabric softener? I don't have any detergent.
Girl #2: That should probably work.
(30 minutes later)
Girl #2: So, did it work?
Girl #1: Yeah… I think… they don't smell anymore, at least. Good enough, right?

Laundry Room, University of Alabama
Birmingham, Alabama

Overheard by: I don't think it is

Spanish teacher: And you really have to be careful what you eat, because they have a lot of E. Coli problems.
Teenage girl: E. Coli? Like in those commercials with the cough drops?
Spanish teacher: What?
Teenage girl: Y'know, like the “Eeee-coliiii…”

Jersey Shore High School

Overheard by: shana yo mamma

Nerdy Asian guy: My friend is having a problem…
Drunk Asian guy: Can you solve it with your penis?


Overheard by: Amused

College girl to friend: the nice thing about a toga is that you don't have to wear Spanx with it.

Metro State College of Denver
Denver, Colorado

Older woman to younger one: Man, you never spend weekends with your kids! When I was raising my kid I could count the times on one hand that I used a babysitter.
Younger woman: Really?
Eavesdropping young man: Man, I was raised on a babysitter!

Louisville, Kentucky

Overheard by: I'm Adopted