Man: You don't need that booze!
Woman: I know, but I'm getting it.
Man: Just don't drink the fun out of it.

Edwardsville, Illinois

Overheard by: M

Flight attendant: Contrary to popular belief, pushing the button with the flight attendant on it will not turn your flight attendant on. So don't push it.

Flight to New York

Overheard by: Erica Lynn

Blonde to parents: Pretend I’m smarter than you think I am.

Overheard by: she really is

Professor: I think I popped a few Oxycontins before I wrote this so it might not make any sense.

Salem State College
Salem, Massachusetts

Drunk girl #1, in bathroom: So I told her she just needed to remove her vagina, put on a cock and man up!
Drunk girl #2: Totally.

Bathroom, Rocket Bar
Washington, DC

Harried mom to adorable eight-year-old girl: You just ask a policeman. Next time you see a policeman you ask him, “Is it illegal for me to sleep in my mommy's car?”


Sociology professor: This course is cheap, but I'm expensive, so please make use of me.

Boston University, Massachusetts

Dude #1: Dude, if you're gonna artificially inseminate your sister's girlfriend, you gotta fuck her, right?
Dude #2: Absolutely!
Dude #1: Otherwise, you got no respect for yourself.

Overheard by: elizabeth

Little boy, standing next to a car: Daddy, this isn’t our car! Daddy, what are you doing? This isn’t our car!
Man: Look, buddy, you’ve got to stop saying that when we’re in parking lots. [to a couple walking by] I just got a new car.
Little boy: No you didn’t!

AMC Theatres
Owings Mills, Maryland

Overheard by: they steal cars, dont they?

Guy to another: Running naked with a sword is just not a good idea.