Guy #1: What the fuck is it, walk slow day?
Woman: Yes, it’s walk slow day, I’m from New Yo–
Guy #2: Shut the fuck up. I’m from 106 and Lex. I’ll cut you…See, that’s how you gotta do it. The second some crabby lady starts, you just say, “shut the fuck up.” Escalate immediately.
–Spring & Broadway
Boyfriend: Fucking tourists!
Girlfriend: Seriously!
Boyfriend: Let’s go to J&R.
Girlfriend: It’s Saturday.
Boyfriend: Fucking Orthodox!
–Century 21, Cortlandt Street
Overheard by: Joe Baranello
Guy #1: Why did the cops just pull that biker over?
Guy #2: I dunno, it’s what, 4AM? Maybe he got on his bike drunk or something…
Guy #1: He’s wearing his helmet and everything though.
Guy #2: Yeah, but that motorcycle is pretty fucking ugly. That orange shit on the fenders is a crime.
–Delancey & Ludlow
Overheard by: a jay
British chick: Now not only do I have to blow up Bank of America, I now have to blow up Macy’s.
–27th Street office
Teenage girl shaking her fist: Fuck you Duane Reade! Gah!
–76th & Broadway
Overheard by: Chella
Woman: I feel like I’m in eastern Europe. This Duane Reade is ghetto.
–Duane Reade, 23rd & 6th
Woman: So I was like, “Move your hand! What is this, Cinemax?”
–Times Square
A hobo picked out two girls on line and started insulting them. When the police came to get him he started again.
Hobo: See this is what the White Man does! They’ve gotta protect these little Jewish girls from Long Island, don’t give a shit about proud Black men like me.
Girl: I’m Puerto Rican and from Brooklyn.
He attempts to high five her as the cops escort him away.
Hobo: Right on, sister!
–19th & Broadway
Girl: Your breath is stinky.
Guy: Please. My breath is so fresh they should name a mint after it.
Girl: How about excre-mint?
–56th & 1st
Hobo: Hello, ladies and gentlemen! How are you all today? My name is Sonny Payne–
Teen girl: And you’re just a Payne in the ass!
–F train
Overheard by: Nicole A.
Hobo: Excuse me, ladies and gentlemen–
Woman: Ah God, I can’t take it this early.
–9 train
Player: Girl, your nose is like a Seinfeld episode.
–The Gate, Park Slope
A hobo sits with a HUNGRY JEW sign and begs: Lox, bagels, cream cheese? Lox, bagels, cream cheese?
–Broadway & 80th
Producer: Is Purim the holiday where they dress up? There was this little girl with an eyepatch and I was like, “Arr, you’re a pirate?” and her mom was like, “Actually, she had her eye put out.”
–27th street office
JAP on cell: I give up. I have been posting personal ads looking for “tall, dark and handsome” and all I ever end up with is “short, hairy, Jewish”. I guess I should just accept my fate.
–Starbucks, 48th & 3rd
Black guy: I ain’t Jewish, so I don’t be doin’ no Yom Kippur.
–D train
Overheard by: Nash Astor
Little Chinese girl: You don’t understand anything!…Just shut the hell up.
Passerby: I thought Asian kids were supposed to be polite.
–14th & 6th
Overheard by: Djlindee
Clerk: What’s in the box you’re shipping?
Customer: A computer.
Clerk: Where’s it going?
Customer: Spain.
Clerk: Is that domestic?
Customer: No, that’d be fairly international.
–Kinko’s, Duane Street
Overheard by: Joshua Cody
Girl: Bitch, for the last time, Spain is not part of Latin America!
–Columbia University dorm
