Man: Of course you have to pick the row with the cripple. I can’t get up now because I’ll feel bad that she has to use her cane every time!
Woman: Frankly, I didn’t even notice.
Man: Yeah, till you kicked her cane!
–Prospect Park Bandshell
Girl: Excuse me!…Would you guys keep it down? I am trying to listen to the band!
Guy: Oh, I am sorry…Would you mind crossing your legs? I am trying to enjoy the outdoors.
–Prospect Park Bandshell
Chick #1: I don’t know what’s up with her.
Chick #2: Yeah, it’s like she’s got some kinda fabric up her ass.
–Christopher Street
Overheard by: Marco Romano
Hobo: Help me! I have 9 starving kids at home!
Suit: Yesterday you had 12 starving kids, what happened?
Hobo: That’s right and the 2 of them died in a horrible fire yesterday! Please help me!
Suit: What happened to the 12th?
Hobo: Man, get the fuck outta here, you’re fucking up my rap!
–57th Street station
Guy on cell: Holy shit, she’s too fucking old to get AIDS. The virus would be like “Ew, fuck that, she’s old.”
–F train
Overheard by: Glynnis
A blocked sewer grate causes a nasty-looking puddle. A Black guy steps over it and says: This shit’s disgusting. This is how we all get AIDS.
–23rd & Park
Overheard by: Erica
Woman on cell: Tell everybody to come to New York and play D&D with me.
–Greenpoint
Overheard by: Francesca
Guy: So what you’re saying is that every event in modern history was
caused by a time-traveling Keanu Reeves?
–Chevy’s, Times Square
Overheard by: Kenny B
Boy on cell: …yeah, I know! So then I said, “Bitch, that’s what you get for messing with a level 5 dragon master!”
–C train
Overheard by: Lorelai Greenwood
Fat lady: You know, I don’t think I would make a good vampire…I don’t like staying up too late.
–W. 57th Street office
Guy #1: What the fuck is it, walk slow day?
Woman: Yes, it’s walk slow day, I’m from New Yo–
Guy #2: Shut the fuck up. I’m from 106 and Lex. I’ll cut you…See, that’s how you gotta do it. The second some crabby lady starts, you just say, “shut the fuck up.” Escalate immediately.
–Spring & Broadway
Boyfriend: Fucking tourists!
Girlfriend: Seriously!
Boyfriend: Let’s go to J&R.
Girlfriend: It’s Saturday.
Boyfriend: Fucking Orthodox!
–Century 21, Cortlandt Street
Overheard by: Joe Baranello
Guy #1: Why did the cops just pull that biker over?
Guy #2: I dunno, it’s what, 4AM? Maybe he got on his bike drunk or something…
Guy #1: He’s wearing his helmet and everything though.
Guy #2: Yeah, but that motorcycle is pretty fucking ugly. That orange shit on the fenders is a crime.
–Delancey & Ludlow
Overheard by: a jay
British chick: Now not only do I have to blow up Bank of America, I now have to blow up Macy’s.
–27th Street office
Teenage girl shaking her fist: Fuck you Duane Reade! Gah!
–76th & Broadway
Overheard by: Chella
Woman: I feel like I’m in eastern Europe. This Duane Reade is ghetto.
–Duane Reade, 23rd & 6th
Woman: So I was like, “Move your hand! What is this, Cinemax?”
–Times Square
A hobo picked out two girls on line and started insulting them. When the police came to get him he started again.
Hobo: See this is what the White Man does! They’ve gotta protect these little Jewish girls from Long Island, don’t give a shit about proud Black men like me.
Girl: I’m Puerto Rican and from Brooklyn.
He attempts to high five her as the cops escort him away.
Hobo: Right on, sister!
–19th & Broadway
