Oh Maybe God!

Hipster chick #1: You know the girl I was telling you about, who didn’t even know what “agnostic” means?
Hipster chick #2: Yeah. That stupid bitch!

–30th Ave, Astoria

Overheard by: reverie

Headline by: Coyoty

Runners-Up:
· “Blessed Are the Stupid Bitches, for They Shall Infuriate the Self-Righteous” – Cyrious Garnetski
· “I Believe That We Can Never Know If She Is a Stupid Bitch or Not.” – Hysterical Woman
· “I Hope She Burns In… Nothingness” – Meg
· “To Be Precise, She Said There Was No Way to Know What Agnostic Means” – Barry P.
· “Why Nuns Have Few Friends” – seven5suited

Click here to see the new Headline Contest

Posted on November 1, 2022
Astoria, Friends, Girls, Headline Contest Winners, Hipsters, Insults, Stupidity, Words

Wednesday One-Liners Burp the Worm

Teen girl: If you want to lose weight, watch a lot of porn. I'm serious, if you watch porn, you won't have to eat for hours. Oh, and masturbating burns a lot of calories, too.

–Brooklyn

Very upset drunk hobo, after conductor announces last stop: Your kickin' all these people out to wait for the next train, just so you can jerk off?

–Bowling Green Station

Street dancer: Everyone on earth was born as a result of an orgasm. Everyone masturbates. And if they say they don't, they're lying. Even the Pope masturbates!

–Union Square

Irish dude, throwing tea to the ground: It's not right, man! Asshole masturbated in my tea!

–Outside Starbucks

Teen thug: I wanna pleasure myself while writing an essay, what's the problem with that?

–Q Train

Overheard by: Robert G.

Posted on October 21, 2022
Books & Writing, Brooklyn, Conductors, Diet/Weight, Drinks, Drunks, Foreigners, Girls, Guys, Hobos, Insults, Lies, Masturbation, On the Subway, One-liners, Orgasm, Pope, Porn, Public Transportation, Questions, Sensory Experiences, Starbucks, Street, Subway stations, platforms, etc., Teens, Thugs, Union Square and East Village, Vendors & Street Performers, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, Wishes & desires

Probably at His Krispy Kreme Office

Lawyer guy: Don’t worry about that, ma’am. We’re gonna make sure you don’t have to worry about money for a long, long time.
Hobo: Shit, you got some money? Let me hold a million dollars.
Lawyer guy: Ha, ha, ha! No thank you, sir.
Hobo: You ain’t shit, nigga. Fuck you and your gay-ass hair. Where were you when I broke my leg, Mista Lawya?

–Dunkin’ Donuts, Fulton & Nassau

Overheard by: Matt M

Posted on October 19, 2022
Hobos, Insults, Lawyers, Money & Class, Restaurants & Cafes

Dude, You'd Steal the One-Liners Off a Wednesday

One-armed cracked-out dude to equally cracked-out girlfriend: And he's lookin' at me like he ain't never seen nobody stealin' before!

–Maria Hernandez Park, Bushwick

Overheard by: matthias

Drunk man to random girl on street: I mean, I stole this girls' shoelaces, and then she got really mad at me…

–2nd Ave & 4th St

Comedy show peddler: Who wants to buy some stolen shit? (pause) Nah, just kidding, who wants to see a comedy show?

–Times Square

Overheard by: Ali

Woman with pink hair to friend: Fuck that bitch, she still stole my clothes when I was in jail.

–6 Train

Overheard by: Renny

Man to woman, about his father: Yeah, he was so great, so smart… A drug addict. He was always there for me. Like, if I needed something, anything, he'd go steal it for me. That's what sticks with you, you know?

–1 Train

Overheard by: RDM

Posted on October 17, 2022
All Wednesday One-Liners, Anger Management, Brooklyn, Clothing, Couples, Drugs, Drunks, Friends, Insults, Men, Offers and requests, On the Subway, One-liners, Parents, Parks, Prison, Shoes, Strangers, Street, Theater & Dance, Thievery, Times Square, Union Square and East Village, Vendors & Street Performers, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, Wishes & desires, Women

Diner Fun

Drunk: Where’s my boy, man?

–Odessa, Ave. A

Posted on October 14, 2022
Anger Management, Animals & Nature, Black People, Crazies, Death, Food, History & Geography, Hobos, Homeless, Insults, On the Subway, Only in New York, People, Places, Topics, U.S. Geography, We Love Our Pets

In Other Words, Limbo

Woman: Move in, motherfuckers, move in!
Yuppie guy: Wait for the next one, this is too packed.
Woman: Bitch, I have to be on this train!
Yuppie guy: This isn’t the train to heaven, you know. It’s, like, going to Queens.

–F train

Overheard by: Nickicaps

Posted on October 11, 2022
Biotechs, Insults, NYC Geography, On the Subway, Religion, Travel, Yuppies

The Hills Are Alive with the Sound Of Wednesday One-Liners

Puerto Rican Mets fan in day parade, singing: "Aye girl, lemme smell yo feet, aye girl lemme smell yo feet, oooh oooh oooh, lemme smell yo feet."

–Union Square

Egg-shaped man with cane, singing to the tune of "What a Wonderful World": I see little boys, and little girls, they have good parents, but they get screwed up anyway… And I think to myself, I love the babies…

–L Train

Large woman, to the tune of "We Are All One Body": "We ain't with no retards! We man's chil'ren of the world!" (female friend sits across from her) I wish I could fuck every girl in the world!

–Metro-North Rail

Thug, dressed top to toe in Ed Hardy gear, singing in Eva Gabor accent: "Dahling I love you but give me Park Avenue!"

–51st St & Park Ave

Boy in hallway, singing: "Don't want to close my eyes, don't wanna fall… (laughter from inside closed apartment) Heh-heh… Shutthefuckup!

–NYU Dorm

Posted on October 4, 2022
All Wednesday One-Liners, Body Parts, Boys, Fat People, Friends, Insults, Kids, Laughter, Love, Men, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, NYU, Offers and requests, On the Subway, One-liners, Parents, Puerto Ricans, Sensory Experiences, Sex, Singing, Street, Thugs, Trains Not Subway, Union Square and East Village, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, Wishes & desires, Women

So I'm Good 'til the Year 3000

Black woman #1: When is the silicon going to dry?
Black woman #2: It's in bags. In my boobs. Dumb bitch.

–2 Train

Overheard by: Lacy

Posted on October 3, 2022
Black People, Boob Job, Health and Hygiene, Insults, On the Subway, Rack, Women

Hey, You’re a Nice Guy; You Just Suck

NYU kid yelling to band from dorm window: Hey! You suck!
Singer at nice event: Uh, this is for charity.

–W 4th & MacDougal

Posted on September 19, 2022
Assholes, Insults, Money & Class, Music, Musicians, The Village

The Earth Got So Fat That Nobody Loves It

Boy: When I was little I used to think that if the planet got heavy enough, it would start to fall.
Friend: You must have been pretty smart to even think that when you were a little kid.
Boy: But what if I still think that?
Friends: Then you're a dumb ass.

–C Train

Overheard by: Rafael DaSilva

Posted on September 2, 2022
Age/Aging, Boys, Compare/Contrast, Default, Friends, Insults, On the Subway, Questions, Stupidity

Insults