Dude #1: You know, I kinda like Richie Santorum.
Dude #2: Yeah… he’s a pretty good guitarist. Bon Jovi’s alright.
Dude #1: Yep.
20‐something female shopkeeper to coworker, as Michael Jackson’s “Rock with You” plays on the radio: Did you hear he’s sick? Apparently, he’s in the hospital. I know, it’s crazy. Can you imagine if he dies? If he dies, that’ll be, like, the most awful thing to happen to America in years!
–Pet Food Store
Overheard by: Nathalie
Suit on cell: What if Michael Jackson sucking your dick was the cure for cancer?
–8th & Broadway
Man, lighting cigarette: So what’d he die from? A sunburn?
–Chambers St. & West Broadway
Middle aged black lady on cell: If you can get Michael Jackson on a condom box it would definitely sell.
–MacDougal & 8th St
Nine‐year‐old boy, pointing to a newspaper article, to younger sister: Oh yeah, that guy? He was fifty. He used to be a black guy but made himself become white.
–Canal & Orchard, Chinatown
Overheard by: Lauren T.
Large tattooed man, discussing Michael Jackson: One of those kids is his; the other two can’t be, they’re white. They were all unofficially inseminated, though.
–Delancey & Essex
Hospital coffee shop counter guy: Missed you yesterday.
Hospital clerk: Yeah, you didn’t see me yesterday. I was in the emergency room. Patient
swung at me with a cane. So I threw a metal stapler at her. I got stressed when I threw that stapler, yeah. So I went to the emergency room. We need partitions, man.
–City Hospital, Bronx
Hipster guy: Have you ever been arrested?
Hipster girl: Yeah, when I was sixteen my friend and I got arrested for shoplifting. It really wasn’t that bad. The cops were super cool and we were all joking around and shit and our mugshots were actually pretty cute.
Deaf Malay guy: My friends and I are thinking of making a movie called ‘Hitler is Right.‘
Deaf gay guy: What was he right about?
Deaf Malay guy: About the Jews. If he had finished what he started, there would be no more Jews and the world would be better.
Deaf gay guy: And we wouldn’t exist either.
Deaf Malay guy: Why not?
Deaf gay guy: Because he also killed non‐Aryans, homos, and deaf people.
Deaf Malay guy: Really?
Deaf gay guy: Yes.
Deaf Malay guy: Oh. Well, I still think Hitler was right.
–Starbucks, Times Square
Black guy: Where you from?
Black guy: Cool. I’ve seen The Wire. I know how you guys get down.
Overheard by: Alex
Loud guy, comfortingly: Listen, you shouldn’t be embarrassed that you’re Polish.
–14th St & University
Woman on the train: And then he said, “ciao bella” and I was like, “I don’t speak French, you idiot.”
Exasperated girl on cell to boyfriend sitting next to her: I’m trying to tell him we’ll get there early but he’s not listening, he just keeps making those frenchy sounds at me.
–Bus from New York to Montreal
Guy to his friends: He reminds me of Stalin. (pause) You know, that Russian guy who always cusses at people.
–72nd & 3rd
Overheard by: Fancy
Girl on cell: Yeah…he was big. Real big. Like…it hurts big. I’m talking anaconda.
–72nd Street 1÷2÷3 station
Overheard by: Jennie S.
Man on cell: I’m tired, man! I been working all week. Do I have to sign the paper with my dick?…No, I’m not complainin’.
–84th & 2nd
Lady: Yo, it smells like dirty dick over here.
–Dakota Roadhouse, Park Place
Overheard by: Courtney C
Guy: Just because you’re hot and sweaty doesn’t mean you can’t have your cock hangin’ out on a Friday night.
–Houston between Eldridge & Forsyth
Women: Why does every man have to stare at my tits? Like they’ve never seen none before? Haven’t they seen their Momma’s or their wives’ or their girlfriends’? The other day a man asked me if my tits were real, I said, “Is your dick real?”.
–7th & 30th
Chickon cell: Yeah, girl, he has a turtle dick.
Overheard by: Orianna Baez
Girl: Believe me, if I wanted your dick up my ass, I would have put it there myself.
–SOB’s, Varick Street
Girl #1: Why is it so hot in here?
Girl #2: Hobo farts.
–1 train station, 168th St
Young Jewish guy #1: You know how you’re allowed to make jokes about 9⁄11 if you’re from New York?
Young Jewish guy #2: Yeah, totally. You’re definitely allowed to do that.
Young Jewish guy #1: Exactly. It’s just like a Jew being able to make a joke about the Holocaust.
Young Jewish guy #2: Of course. It’s like a rite of passage or something.
–Pier 3, Brooklyn