Black kid: He don’t know if he’s a fag, man. He’s at that time, you know, your body’s changing.
–Chambers Street station
Twink: Why does every gay bar smell the same?
–Urge, 2nd Avenue
Overheard by: Scott Anderson
Lesbian: Then I had an epiphany: I realized I had a mullet. And I started to cry.
–17th & 6th
Dramasexual: Do you want to come up to my place and “ease on down the road”?
–1/9 train
Queer: Oh my gawd that dawg looks just like my Janet (I named her after Janet Jackson, god bless her). My dawg’s name was Janet, my cat’s name was Janet, Janet Janet Janet! And the cat was a boy, too.
–Union Square dog run
Overheard by: Lisa G.
Softball coach: Who’s not here? Who’s ever not here, raise your hand!
–Prospect Park
Overheard by: Andrea
Woman: Some people are idea people but don’t do anything about it, and some people are executioners.
–2/3 train
Hippie: Yeah, it sucks, he needs a quintuplet bypass!
–Red Hook post office
Overheard by: Mia Mylet
Girl: Well, I’m taking Portuguese this semester, ’cause it’s a requirement to be an accountant.
–NYU Bobst Library
Overheard by: Greg
Conductor: The way this train is moving you’d be better off on a bicycle. Next stop is Broadway-Lafayette, where transfer to the 6 is downtown only for reasons unknown.
–F train
Overheard by: Matt
Chick: Everybody at work lives in Park Slope. They have nicknames for the subway: N stands for Never, R stands for Rarely, and W for Whatever.
–Forbes Magazine gym, 5th Avenue
Conductor: There are bathrooms located in every other train car. And again, please don’t pee on the seats people.
–Metro-North train
Overheard by: Susie P
Conductor: This is the F train to Manhattan, next stop York St…by the way, you just missed your connection with the C train. When I miss my connection, it just makes me sick.
–F train
Overheard by: RMC
Chick: Do you trust me with your CDs? I’ll try not to scratch them or anything.
Dude: I trust you with my balls. I think I’m OK with you touching my CDs.
–111th & Broadway
Overheard by: Djlindee
- Posted on
- Balls, Compare/Contrast, Girls, Guys, Music, Upper West Side & Lincoln Center
Flaming queer: What you whiteboys don’t realize is that the foreskin is not a chew toy. Maybe a little biting is OK, but don’t go down on it like a stick of Trident.
Preppy queer: This is totally going to end up on Overheard if you don’t quiet down.
Flaming queer: I’m Puerto Rican; we’re a loud people. It’s all of the drums.
–Candle Bar, Amsterdam Avenue
- Posted on
- Bars & Clubs, BJs, Overheard Overheard, Penis, Preppies, Queers, Race
Girl: You want a lap dance?
Guy: Huh? Sure, where?
Girl: How about your place?…I’ll give you one for two hundred bucks.
Guy: What? Are you crazy?
Girl: Okay, 50. I’m really a nice girl…I’m just having a hard time paying my bills.
Guy: No, thanks!
Girl: Okay…What would you want for 50 bucks?
Guy: Can I fuck you in the ass?
Girl: What? You’re sick.
Guy: Go home, get some sleep…and go look for a job in the morning.
–Cassidy’s Ale House, Flushing
Overheard by: Stephan
Hobo: You should put your legs together.
Girl: What did you say to me?
Hobo: Close your legs.
Girl: I’m a big girl, they’re as closed as they’re gonna get. It’s called “fat”.
Hobo: I guess you want to air out.
Girl: I guess you want a whiff.
–Bryant Park
Overheard by: Djuna
Drunk fratboy: Damn, you got a sexy walk, girl!…Hey, can I buy you a drink?
Girl: No, thanks anyway.
Drunk fratboy: OK…so, uh…how about I just fuck you in the ass, then?
–Washington Square Park
Two brothers, ages 8 and 10, sit on the 6 train. Across from them sit their mother and their aunt. The older boy stands, letting his brother continue to sit, next to a pole. A largish older lady wedges herself in next to the young boy, pushing him into the pole.
Mother: Lady, you can’t sit there, you’re crushing him!
Lady: I’m old enough to sit, he’s young enough to stand.
Mother: You’re crushing him!
Lady: He has plenty of room.
Younger brother: Get the hell off!
Lady: I’m old enough to be your grandmother.
Younger brother: You’re not my grandmother.
Mother: Thank God.
Aunt: Thank God.
Younger brother: Get off me, you big fat lady!
Mother: Stop that, be quiet. Get over here.
He moves to her lap.
Younger brother: You’re not my grandmother.
Older brother: Would everybody shut up? Don’t fight on the train!
Lady’s husband: Stop it. Stop talking to them.
Lady: I’m telling you to close your mouth.
Older brother: Everybody stop!
Mother: We’re getting off here.
Aunt: Thank God.
Lady: Thank God.
The family hustles out of the train. The rest of the passengers laugh as quietly as possible.
–6 train
Woman: When Denzel comes on stage, I’m going to throw my panties up there.
–Belasco Theater, W. 44th Street
Overheard by: Julia Caesar
- Posted on
- About Celebrities, Bimbettes, Clothing, Getting Off, Theater, Women
Crazy guy: They have millions of dollars! But they’re mongoloids! They have more money than New York City! But they’re mongoloids! Put it at the top of your list! They have more money than New York State! But they’re mongoloids!
–G train
Overheard by: Stephie Russell
Construction guy #1: I had to hire dis retarded kid, and ya know, I don’t know how it’s gonna be.
Construction guy #2: Yeah…but hey doh, didn’t you ever beat up a retarded kid in school? ‘Member how strong dey wuh?
–6 train
Overheard by: Anonymous and Ethan Aronoff
- Posted on
- Construction Guys, Jobs & Careers, On the Subway, Retards & Handicaps, Violence
