A scruffy guy is on his cell in an otherwise silent internet cafe. His thoughts: No…it’s not in the heart of the city…it’s like the artery.
You remember that postcard of New York I sent you for your birthday? I think you can see my building if you look closely…well you know the best pictures of it are in books, and I love you guys, you’re my family, but I’m not about to spend $15 on one of those books.
Yeah…I came up with this great analogy yesterday. I said, “If you know little math problems and little words, you’ll make a little money, but if you know big problems and big words, you get lotsa money!…I know, I know, I think they got it!
Yeah, well you know 80% of the people I work with are spanish…its not like that in Spokane…so everything here revolves around them…but you know what? The other day one of the girls came up to me and said, “Everyone thinks you’re such a nice guy”. That was so nice; I wasn’t even trying…I didn’t know they thought that…see I apply all the stuff you taught me and incorporate it into my lifestyle.
–Internet cafe, E. 33rd between 5th and Madison
- Posted on September 1, 2023
- Birthdays, Compare/Contrast, Compliments, Family Ties, Guys, Money & Class, On Cell, Restaurants & Cafes, School and studying, Science
Girl on cell: Like, everything’s orange. It’s so weird.
–The Gates
Sarcastic old man: Oh, excuse me. I’ll move so you can get a picture of this pole. A magnificent work of art!
–The Gates
- Posted on August 31, 2023
- Arts & Letters, Central Park, Colors, Old People, On Cell, Only in New York, Tourist Attractions
Scary Punk Teenage Girl: Have you heard of this play Medea?
Not-so-scary Punk Teenage Guy: Yeah, that’s a good play. Have you heard of Arthur Miller?
Scary Punk Teenage Girl: Who?
Not-so-scary Punk Teenage Guy: Arthur Miller. He wrote Death of a Salesman.
Scary Punk Teenage Girl: No.
Not-so-scary Punk Teenage Guy: Oh, he died last week. He was 89.
Scary Punk Teenage Girl: Wow, that’s terrible. I didn’t even know that and I deliver newspapers.
–They Might Be Giants in-store, Border’s, Columbus Circle
Overheard by: Monica
- Posted on August 31, 2023
- About Celebrities, Death, Girls, Guys, Jobs & Careers, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Punks, Store, Teens, Theater & Dance
Girl, 14: I can’t imagine laying next to him in bed. He’d have to bring a GPS device.
Boy, 14: Yeah, how to get from point A to point B.
–6 train
Lesbian: Whatever, we can break up, I don’t care. You were only good for sex and Scrabble. The sex wasn’t even good and I can play Scrabble online.
–6 train
Overheard by: Tom V
- Posted on August 30, 2023
- Breaking Up, Gadgets, On the Subway, Sex, Teens
Intellectual: Dude, after September 11th, we had to go kill somebody. Someone had to die.
–Midtown office
Overheard by: Aryeh Jasper
- Posted on August 30, 2023
- Ahhh! Real New Yorkers, Jews, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Terrorism, Violence
Guy: Wait, I missed that. So you were born, and then what happened?
–Brooklyn Botanical Gardens
Overheard by: Sherri Feldman
Chick #1: …and I swear my head rammed into the wall and it’s that cheap crappy sheet rock and there’s a hole in it now. I’m gonna tell him to write his name on it!
Chick #2: Oh, he’ll probably like that.
–The Gap, Bensonhurst
Overheard by: Deborah Olin
Trendy: I’d like a swiss burger and, instead of fries, can I substitute soup?
Waiter: No.
Trendy: OK, it was just a suggestion.
Waiter: Great. You can have it that way when you open your own restaurant.
–Pearl Street diner
- Posted on August 28, 2023
- Food, Hipsters, Restaurants & Cafes, Waiters
Eurochick: I’ve got to dance tonight. I didn’t make any money here this week.
–Soho salon
Woman on cell: Where are you? I’m lost!…I don’t know! I’m uptown. I’m on a corner. I’m in front of a tall building.
–57th & Lex
Overheard by: Heather
- Posted on August 28, 2023
- All Wednesday One-Liners, NYC Geography, Stupidity, Theater & Dance, Wednesday One-Liners, Wednesday One-Liners Vary
Construction worker: …it was like, the biggest skull ever found or
some shit.
–44th & Madison
Teenage girl: I failed the math test so I told Ma I ain’t gonna graduate in June. I ain’t gotta do anything but stay black and die.
–6 train
- Posted on August 27, 2023
- All Wednesday One-Liners, Black People, Construction Guys, Death, Education, History & Geography, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, On the Subway, Parents, Race, School and studying, Science
