Guy: Hey! I haven’t seen you in, like, forever.
Girl: No kidding! How are you?
Guy: I’m good… Except, remember when I fell into that brick wall? I’m worried the cut’s infected.
Girl: Well, I have some Bactroban in my purse…
Guy: Awesome! Have I mentioned how much I love you?
Girl: And it’s prescription strength.
Guy: I’d get down on one knee and propose to you now, but I’m pretty sure I’m standing in pigeon shit.


Stoner: What do you have ready?
Cashier: Chicken.
Stoner: What kind of chicken?
Cashier: It’s called fried chicken.

–Palace Fried Chicken

Overheard by: Brian

Lady: I’m lactose intolerant!
Waitress: Then why are you putting butter on your bread?
Lady: I didn’t know butter was dairy! I thought it came from eggs!

–Veselka, E 9th & 2nd Ave

Overheard by: Katznik

Crazy woman to mother of laughing baby: He likes me! At least you know he ain’t gonna be gay!

–14th St & Ave B

Cute girl about upcoming CAT scan: There’s a part of me that’s actually a little excited… or at least interested, because, you know, it’s a new experience.
Friend: It will be an adventure. A medical adventure. Like House!
Girl: Except the doctor won’t be nearly as sexy as Hugh Laurie.
Friend: But he’ll have a better bedside manner.
Girl: It’d be worth the bedside manner if he were that sexy.
Friend: We’ve gotta stop watching that show. It gives us unrealistic expectations.
Girl: My mind right now is like 45% fear, 25% excitement, 15% rational thought, you know, that it’s probably not cancer, and the rest is Hugh Laurie and Robert Sean Leonard battling for my affections.
Friend: We’ve gotta stop watching that show.

–L Train

Overheard by: Jonah

Black boy #1: Yo, how come there’s only white people in these paintings?
Black boy #2: Mmm… Guess they were painted in 1750‐something. They didn’t have no brothers back then.

–The Met

Person #1: Sorry I farted.
Person #2: Oh, I love your farts.

–9th St & 2nd Ave

Black woman, to white kid flanked by two pretty girls: Hey, mista’! Ya got some change?
Same black woman, to the two girls: Don’t go givin’ away pussy fo’ free!

–DeKalb Station

Overheard by: BagelOfTheDamned

Law student #1: Which one’s professor Donovan*?
Law student #2: You know — she’s teaching that course on litigation and pirates…
Law student #1: Oh, right.

–Columbia University

Overheard by: Bad Minkey

Man: Is Tom Hanks married to Rita Wilson?
Two women: Yeah.
Man: Is that why they called the Volleyball “Wilson” in Cast Away?

–97th & 5th

Overheard by: Rob Dobrenski