Girl #1: Oh my God, don’t we know him?
Girl #2: Duh, that’s Crotchman.
Girl #1: Riiight. From that party.
Girl #2: Yeah.

–Penn Station

Queer #1: …so essentially if I didn’t get accepted to NYU for law I would have become a magician.
Queer #2: Really?
Queer #1: Yeah. I have the hat and scarves and everything.

–Dojo, Greenwich Village

Guy #1: Oh my god, did you hear that Tom Ford just left Chanel?!
Guy #2: Really?! I can’t believe it, he really turned that brand around.

–Bergdorf Goodman shoe department, 5th Ave.

Mom: Why don’t we take the baby to go pumpkin picking this week?
Dad: No.
Mom: Why not?
Dad: Because it’s too dangerous.

–Annadale, Staten Island

Overheard by: flappers

Chick: One time I saw this old guy fall and drop his cane onto the subway tracks, and it was raining, so we tried to talk people into giving him their umbrella, since he couldn’t get the cane–and we were so mad when no one would give us an umbrella, ’cause you can’t just buy a cane at Duane Reade.

–6 train

Overheard by: Todd Seavey

Tourist: Excuse me, but do you know how I can get to Penn station?
Woman in camo: Do I look like a fucking tour guide?
Tourist: Now that’s what I came to New York to find!

–5th & 82nd

Chick on cell: You know Karen, she’s my best friend…well, not my best friend, my Taiwanese best friend…

–Lorimer Street, Williamsburg

Intellectual: Man, I was reading the Koran the other day. It’s such bullshit; the Bible is way better.

–7B, East Village

Mom: You know something? When I was a little girl, my family was so poor that we couldn’t even afford Christmas presents! We got fruit in our stocking and that was it, and we were lucky if we could get one birthday present–
Son, 6: But we have money!

–10th Street & 6th Avenue

Salesgirl: How’d you get that bruise?
Customer: I was jumproping and I fell.
Salesgirl: Aren’t you a little old to be jumproping?
Customer: Aren’t you a little fat to be working at The Gap?

–The Gap, 48th & 6th