Wednesday One-Liner: The Musical

Girl to class: I love classical music! I listen to the Bambi soundtrack all the time!

–Curtis High School, Staten Island

Guy in lobby, at intermission: Hands down, the best band I've ever seen in concert… Hootie and the Blowfish.

–Jazz at Lincoln Center

Guy on cell: I guess they're musicians. They put bitches ahead of practice.

–79th St b/w York & 1st

Overheard by: Queixa

Gay man to another, walking out of a bank: I mean, if you listen to like, one Sade song every six years, it's okay.

–15th St & 8th Ave

Lesbian: Fuck her! All she wants to do is stay home and sit in the kitchen and drink beer and listen to Melissa Etheridge! Fuck her! She can take a cab home!

–Staten Island

Overheard by: Kateri

Straight girl with a seat at the piano: No, I've never been here before, but I'm actually having a good time. I mean, I don't know most of these songs, but earlier he was playing The Sound of Music, and I was rocking out to that.

–Marie's Crisis Piano Bar

Overheard by: Duncan Pflaster

Crazy old cat lady to guy who just shut off obnoxiously loud music in next lane: Why'd you shut it off? I liked that song!

–Marathon Parkway & Northern Boulevard

My Guess? Lonely Man Mails Self Open Parcel

Guy: Why is that package open?
Clerk: I can’t open it.
Guy: It’s already opened, why is it open?
Clerk: Sir, I’m not allowed to open it. If you want it, sign the card.
Guy: I want to know why it’s open, is anything in it?
Clerk: I can’t open it.

3 minutes of this ensue.

Guy: Just give me the stupid package.
Clerk: Why are you still talking?

–Sunnyside post office

Endsday One-Liners

Irritated girl to imploring guy: I'm gonna have enough to answer for on Judgment Day–I'm not adding this to the list.

–Strip Club, Times Square

20-something prepster: If the zombie apocalypse happens tomorrow, we are all fucked.

–L Train

Thug, at sunset: Yo, it be gettin' dark, nigga! It's like the apocalypse or some shit!

–Cortelyou & E 17th St

Overheard by: Jon A.

Exasperated man: If you create a black hole, it's going to destroy the world no matter *where* you put it!

–14th St & 6th

Overheard by: wishingscienceweretaughtinschool

Wednesday One-Liners, from the Redwood Forest to the Gulf Stream Waters

Very heavy ten-year-old boy, yelling excitedly: I heard they have bacon flavored popcorn in Florida! I love the south!

–Flushing, Queens

Hipster girl on cell: The entire state of Mississippi isn't a complete waste of space, even though it seems like it right now.

–Atlantic & Smith, Brooklyn Heights

Wino, grabbing can of beer: Here's 15 cents. I'll get the rest of it for you today. I promise! I'm from Georgia, I know how this shit works!

–Deli at 33rd & 7th

Overheard by: EthanK

Loud girl to friend: Maria? Maria's not dead, Maria's in Virginia?

–BxM10 Bus

Overheard by: bxgirl

Girl to boyfriend: I mean, when someone says they're throwing an "Iowa State Fair"-themed wedding, you don't think twice about going!

–30th Ave, Astoria

Sparkling Wednesday One-Liners

Gay man: I think my blood type has recently changed from O positive to Cabernet.

–Greenwich Wine Bar

Overheard by: Bri

Woman with too much makeup on cell: What the fuck is a Demi Lovato? Some kinda sweet wine?

–Limelight Market, 20th St. & 6th Ave.

Overheard by: Manhattman

Coworker: Oooh, I can't believe I'm going there. I can't wait to pay $20 for a glass of champagne tonight!

–Office Building, Union Square

Overheard by: cube girl

Guy on cell waiting to cross street: Which kind of art is impressionism? (pause) Oh, yeah, I really like the older stuff. But we should totally go. I bet they'll have free wine.

–23rd and 7th

Suit on cell: I'm not good at saying this because I am such a hollow and disturbed individual, but… I love you… And that's not just the wine talking.

–43rd & 9th

Overheard by: or maybe it is…