Archive for the ‘Disney’ Category

The Is­land of Dr. Wednes­day One-Lin­ers

Man on cell: Was there a lot of bleed­ing? [un­in­tel­li­gi­ble re­ply] Well, was it four sheep or five? [re­ply] We have to find a way to sep­a­rate the cows from the sheep.

–El­e­va­tor, 56th & 8th

Drunk girl, yelling: All I want is a lla­ma! An­oth­er cock­tail and a lla­ma!

–Ter­mi­nal 5

Dude: So you’re en­joy­ing act­ing, LA, monogamy, hors­es?

–Cafe Es­peran­to

Chick to friend: I don’t care how well you clean it, I am not do­ing shots out of that al­li­ga­tor!

–TriBeCa

Over­heard by: lalala

Swanky pin-stripe suit on cell­phone: The lit­tle shit will def­i­nite­ly get ap­proved. He’s as healthy as a French gay ox.

–51st & 3rd

Over­heard by: IG

Young black dude: You know the movie The Li­on King? Yeah The Li­on King! …You know, the one with all the tigers.

–4 Train

Over­heard by: BQM la­dy

Man: Man­a­tees are the most peace­ful crea­tures in the world… They get hit by mo­tor boats!

–As­tor Place

Wednes­day One-Lin­er: The Mu­si­cal

Girl to class: I love clas­si­cal mu­sic! I lis­ten to the Bam­bi sound­track all the time!

–Cur­tis High School, Stat­en Is­land

Guy in lob­by, at in­ter­mis­sion: Hands down, the best band I’ve ever seen in con­cert… Hootie and the Blow­fish.

–Jazz at Lin­coln Cen­ter

Guy on cell: I guess they’re mu­si­cians. They put bitch­es ahead of prac­tice.

–79th St b/w York & 1st

Over­heard by: Queixa

Gay man to an­oth­er, walk­ing out of a bank: I mean, if you lis­ten to like, one Sade song every six years, it’s okay.

–15th St & 8th Ave

Les­bian: Fuck her! All she wants to do is stay home and sit in the kitchen and drink beer and lis­ten to Melis­sa Etheridge! Fuck her! She can take a cab home!

–Stat­en Is­land

Over­heard by: Ka­teri

Straight girl with a seat at the pi­ano: No, I’ve nev­er been here be­fore, but I’m ac­tu­al­ly hav­ing a good time. I mean, I don’t know most of these songs, but ear­li­er he was play­ing The Sound of Mu­sic, and I was rock­ing out to that.

–Marie’s Cri­sis Pi­ano Bar

Over­heard by: Dun­can Pflaster

Crazy old cat la­dy to guy who just shut off ob­nox­ious­ly loud mu­sic in next lane: Why’d you shut it off? I liked that song!

–Marathon Park­way & North­ern Boule­vard

Wednes­day One-Lin­ers: Fact or Fic­tion?

Guy: It’s like Au­gust: Os­age Coun­ty, but with zom­bies.

–Man­hat­tan The­atre Source

Over­heard by: Emi­ly B.

Girl: You know what they say: two in the bush, one in the wiz­ard.

–Dorm, Pratt In­sti­tute

Col­lege stu­dent: Ghosts? They’re like VT!

–186th St & Am­s­ter­dam

Black fe­male suit on cell: Yeah, well you bet­ta hope Tin­k­a­bell comes along… Or who­ev­er the fuck it is who grants you ya damn wish­es!

–Penn Sta­tion

Over­heard by: emi­ly d.

An­noyed man on cell walk­ing down stairs: No, mom, I don’t know what were­wolves eat! No, mom, I don’t! Mom, I can’t talk right now, I’m go­ing in­to the sub­way!

–Union Square Sub­way En­trance

Over­heard by: Masked Avenger

One Lin­ers from the Le­git­i­mate Wednes­day

Stu­dent, about her play: I want the au­di­ence to en­ter through the vagi­na be­fore they sit down.

–NYU

Guy to younger girl, at in­ter­mis­sion of Spring Awak­en­ing, right af­ter sex scene: So you had to choose this? We could­n’t have gone to see The Lit­tle Mer­maid?

–Eu­gene O’Neill The­atre

Col­lege stu­dent: …ex­act­ly how you’d ex­pect a col­lege ren­di­tion of The Vagi­na Mono­logues to go.

–NYU

Black guy on cell: It does­n’t mean I’m gay be­cause I’m go­ing to see a play. (pause) It’s for a class… There’s noth­ing wrong with want­i­ng to see a play.

–Union Square

Over­heard by: erkala

20-some­thing guy to friend: Pic­ture it; Fish­sticks: the mu­si­ci­cal!

–63rd St & Broad­way

Wednes­day One-Lin­ers’ Mono­grammed Tow­els Say “W.O.L.”

Prep­py teenage boy on cell: I use the word “ex” as a cop­ing mech­a­nism. She can have her name back once I’m healed.

–Grand Cen­tral

Trans­ves­tite on cell: I’m chang­ing my name from An­gela to Rachel. An­gela sounds very Dis­ney. I don’t feel like Dis­ney. I feel like a hard sound, like Rachel.

–Pel­ham Bay Park

Black guy: Shit be fucked up. Nig­gas got bitch­es’ names. Bitch­es got nig­gas’ names.

–26th & 8th

Over­heard by: With­nail

Yup­pie to an­oth­er: You know, man, I think you say my name more than your wife’s.

–62nd & 2nd

Over­heard by: The Vonz

Up­per East Side girl, se­ri­ous­ly: You know what the first thing I look for in a gen­tle­man caller is? His name.

–89th St & 3rd Ave

The Penis­es Get Mad When We’re Late

Girl: I’m re­al­ly bad at ob­serv­ing peo­ple.
Friend: I love Sleep­ing Beau­ty.
Girl: I can’t write about art if it’s, like, asked by my teach­ers. That’s what I hate about this class. Last se­mes­ter I had to reck­on with a Louise Bour­geois es­say… All her penis­es. Are you guys ready to go?

–Coop­er-He­witt, Na­tion­al De­sign Mu­se­um

Over­heard by: Alex Bai­ley