Wednesday One‐Liners Phone Home

Irate mother: I don’t care if she doesn’t like that she has a new number! She don’t pay the bills! She don’t like it, she don’t have to use the phone! She wants to get a phone herself? She can’t get a phone herself, she can’t walk up in a store and get one ’cause she doesn’t have id! She doesn’t even exist!

–Penn Station

Overheard by: Ilysse Weisenfeld

Young thugette to young thug: Well, I guess you’re gonna have to fuck me, because I can’t give you my number. You don’t even understand.

–14th & Ave B

Gay guy, frantically searching his pockets: Oh my god! (pause) Shit! (pause) Shawn, this is totally serious! I can’t find my phone! Oh my god! Ohhhh, yeah!

–Lower East Side

Guy walking down street: I told you… I’m a homeless person with a cell phone.

–W 22nd & 8th Ave

Overheard by: Jessica

Conductor: We are now arriving at Penn Station. Please watch the gap as you step onto the platform; and will the young man in the last car who is talking very loudly on his cell phone please use his inside voice? I repeat, please remember to use your inside voice.

–Penn Station