Wednesday One‐Liners Should Be Treated with Kid Gloves

Dad to screaming toddler he’s hanging upside down: Shhh! Shh… Sweetie, it’s just like yoga… Now deep breathe… Now… Practice your chakras…

–1st Ave & 1st St

Young father to toddler: Hey man, it’s not cool to scratch your butt in public! I know you have an itchy, but the chicks don’t dig that.

–Prospect Park West

Overheard by: Marina

Dad with European accent to young boy slowly riding bike with training wheels: Do you know what we call this in English? (pause) “Pathetic.”

–Park Slope

Overheard by: baconista

Father to toddler, after she picked up pacifier from pavement: The five‐second rule does not apply in New York City!

–M&M Store

Dad, walking 7‑year‐old son to school: You gotta remember. Everything I know, I know from comic books.

–91st St & 3rd Ave

Overheard by: Moses