Female suit: I don’t care how nice it glistens in the light, there’s no way you’re showing me your bodily secretions!
Goth high schooler: I never spit on you like that.
–Outside Natural History Museum
Man on line, to no one in particular: It’s so cold out, my nose is forming snotsicles.
–Starbucks, Park Ave & 29th St
Overheard by: Paula
40‐something woman to another: I know he’s not the most handsome man to come down the pike, but every time I see his dick my ass starts to water…