Wednesday One‐Liners With Lipstick on Their Collars

Wife to husband, walking with their two children: Sole custody? After what you did? I’d like to see you try it. You committed bigamy and had two illegitimate children. Sole custody! 

–96th & 2nd Ave

Guy retelling story to date: And I was like, “dude, I’m not going to fucking high‐five you! You tag‐teamed my girlfriend!”

–Bar, West Village

Married guy to friend: I can’t believe it, my wife just cockblocked me.

–NYE Party

Man on cell: I’ve been cheating on her for 25 years, the least I can do is take her to Vegas.

–59th & Lexington