Guy in bar to friend: You know what really sucks about the breakup? It took me two years to be able to fart in front of my girlfriend, and now I have to start all over again, holding them in.
–Bar, Times Square
Really drunk guy to herd of other really drunk guys: I was covered in the snow. Pooping and farting.
–13th & 3rd
Overheard by: Jenna
Suit to another: By the way, her farts are terrible.
–Central Park Boathouse
Crazy man to himself: I farted. It's New Year's Eve and I farted.
Overheard by: Max