Wednesday One-Liners Are Getting C-Sections in Honor of Brangelina

Keen observer: That woman’s not pregnant; she’s just real old.

–Bleecker & Bowery

Overheard by: Poetgirl

Woman holding baby: You don’t understand why I’m upset when, after I deliver your 10-pound baby, you take another woman to a wine bar?

–4th & Macdougal

Overheard by: kevin

Woman: Being pregnant is like slowly drinking a bottle of ipecac.

–52nd & Ave of the Americas

Five year old: This baby stuff is boring!

–Labor & Delivery, Our Lady of Mercy Medical Center, the Bronx

Overheard by: Hobo Whisperer

Douchebag: I swear to God, if some girl I was fucking got knocked up, I would kill myself. Well, I would kill myself and then I would punch her in the face…Fuck, if she got pregnant, I would tear that baby out with a fork!


Hipster: I don’t care about getting married. I just want to get pregnant so I can see my gynecologist more often.

–Alma, Red Hook, Brooklyn