Wednesday One-Liners Have Hairy Palms

Guy to friend: I can't do that–I mean, I need time to sit around and play with myself.

–1 Train

Woman leaving ATM, on cell: …is the difference between that and masturbation.

–7th & Union, Park Slope, Brooklyn

Overheard by: Ladle

Man to another: So what you about to get in to? I'm going to the peep show to jerk off. (pause) Awwwright, yo, I'll see you later.

–41st & 8th Ave

Guy, to gal: Look, if a girl masturbates with a plastic mold of my penis, that is [i]not[/i] me cheating on you.

–Elevator, Citigroup Building

Overheard by: Ladle