Wednesday One-Liners Hit the Snooze Button

Girl to friend: Dude, so I was totally falling asleep on the toilet at work and thought of you!

–Abilene, Brooklyn

Overheard by: Mateo

Homegirl on cell pacing by the subway: Woman put a cigarette out on my daughter. I hear about it, come rushing down, there's cop cars and shit out down the block. I pull up, pull out my gun, no shit, put that shit right in that bitch's mouth. And she didn't think I was serious till I cocked that mother fucker back an' scream, "what did you do to my daughter!?" Shit was crazy. And that was one of the most fucked up dreams I've ever had.

–1 Train

Overheard by: simon

Buff guy on cell: Yo, nigga, what up? I got the truth right here, I haven't slept for three days. You hear me? I been awake for three days! I ain't never gonna sleep again! I'm going for eternity! Eternity, nigga! I am the agent of god! The agent of god! You hear me?

–110th & Manhattan Ave

Overheard by: Flaxxxen

Comedy guy: I know you all like to get a lot of rest for your health. Well, this show will put you right to sleep.

–Times Square

Overheard by: meq

Hipster to girlfriend, stoically: I liked you better when you were sleeping.