Carrie Nation’s Wednesday One-Liners

German dude sits right next to drunk guy and fiddles with his Blackberry, ignoring drunk guy.

Drunk guy: I can’t believe I am sitting here talking to myself, drunk off my ass on an empty train, and you sit right here next to me.

–Nearly empty R train

Drunk college guy on phone: Dude, you’ve gotta come down here… Seriously, everyone’s gonna be here! There’s these two guys coming — the first guy is the first dude and the second guy, he’s the second dude! It’s gonna be freaking sweet!

–Serendipity 3, E 60th St

Overheard by: a. keane

Drunk girl points to a huge heap on the sidewalk: This is my first New York City garbage!

–2nd Ave & 7th St

Overheard by: acep

Drunk girl: …And so Tiffany came over to me and was like, ‘Josh is such a douche bag.’ And so I was like, ‘It’s okay, have another drink.’ And so she was like, ‘Okay. If he comes over here I’m gonna kick him in the balls.’ And Josh came over, and he was like, ‘Can’t you just talk to me?’ And Tiffany was all like, ‘I hate you, get away from me,’ and he was like, ‘But you’ve got a really nice rack,’ and so they started hooking up.

–A train

Angry drunk hobo to security guard outside office building: I am never staying at this hotel again! Wait, is this a hotel?

–48th & Broadway

Overheard by: Cara

Drunk guy, shirt in pieces after being forcefully removed by bouncers: Good show… Good venue.

–In front of B.B. King Blues Club & Grill, 42nd St

Overheard by: Bluesybyer