For a Fungus

Girl sat in pub garden by canal, on date: So what's the difference between canal water and normal water then?
Guy, on date: Well, because canal boats are long and thin, they can't float in normal water. It's a special form of water that sir isaac newton made in the late seventeenth century – h3o. The extra hydrogen is in there because it makes the water more silky, and stops the canal boats from sinking.
Girl on date: Ooooh… I see. That makes sense (pointing at canal) hey look at that duck!
Guy on date: That's not a duck, its a quorn.
Girl: Quorn? Like the food? I thought that was vegetarian?
Guy, totally straight faced: It is vegetarian. The quorn is a vegetarian relation of the quail.
Girl: Ooooh… It's cute!

Rural Pub, Warwickshire, England

Overheard by: Bleep