Seven-year-old: I want to take a year off.
Dad: You are not taking a year off.
Seven-year-old: But I want to party.
Dad: You cannot take a year off to party!
–83rd & Park
Seven-year-old: I want to take a year off.
Dad: You are not taking a year off.
Seven-year-old: But I want to party.
Dad: You cannot take a year off to party!
–83rd & Park
Middle-Aged man: I hope we don’t get caught.
Prostitute: Don’t worry, I never have.
–81st & Amsterdam
Headline by: Sean
Runners-Up:
· “…Not Once in My Ten Years on the Force.” – Ingwall
· “Any Extra Charge For the Lip Service?” – Hobo Whisperer
· “He Was Looking For, ”Cause Then We’d Have to Be Punished…'” – alex
· “I’ve Got My Lucky Condom” – Sheri
· “Is Hugh Grant Considered ‘Middle-Aged’?” – Matthew McGuirl
· “My Parents Will Be Home in an Hour” – Lois
· “Skip the Condom. She’s Been Tested, Too” – Andy Adelewitz
· “Take Your Father to Work Day” – Sean Mc Grath
Honorable mentions:
· “Charge Me If You Can” – petch
· “If You Can’t Beat ‘Em (in Public)” – Heather
· “They Were Talking About Their Braces.” – Allison
Girl #1: If Rome was built in a day, I can definitely build a website in one day also…
Girl #2: The saying is “Rome wasn't built in a day.”
Girl #1: Are you sure? That kinda ruins my logic.
–NYU
Drunk guy to laughing Asian: There is no theory of evolution–only a list of animals Chuck Norris allows to live.
Girlfriend: Babe, no more Chuck Norris, please!
Drunk guy: But Chuck Nor…
Girlfriend: No, give me one good reason you should talk about Chuck Norris.
Drunk guy (without hesitation): Cause god wanted 10 days to create the world, and Chuck Norris only gave him 6, do you want an 8-day work week? Huh?
Girlfriend to friend: How did I just lose this argument?
Friend: Yeah, that was unexpected.
–Zanzibar Bar
Overheard by: Wish i was chuck norris
Girl #1: Real New Yorkers hate LA. I'm sure I'd hate it if I had to live there.
Girl #2: Yeah, la's terrible. I wouldn't mind living in San Francisco, though, because I was baptized there.
Girl #3: I don't know, LA's kind of fun for like a year.
Girl #1: When did you live there?
Girl #3: Third grade.
–LIRR
Overheard by: bunbury
Jamaican girl: You know what I think about a lot? I think I must have been white in my past life, but I must have done something really, really horrible to get stuck in this black body.
Boyfriend: Jeez, you do think about that a lot.
Jamaican girl: Oh, not 90 percent of the time. Just 10 percent.
–Subway to Archer Ave
Overheard by: Just a girl
Dude #1: The best weekend you ever had?
Dude #2: Yeah, dude. The best weekend I ever had, the weekend it happened was the weekend of the Fourth of July weekend…
Dude #1: I love it when that weekend falls on that weekend!
Dude #3: That's always a great weekend!
–97th St & Amsterdam
Overheard by: P. Marino
Girlfriend, exiting cafe: I told you you should have googled this place before we drove all the way here!
Boyfriend: I'm sorry. Let's just go into the city! Bars are open until five there!
Girlfriend: You couldn't entertain me in Brooklyn for half an hour. What are you going to do with me in the city until five?
Boyfriend: Walk up and down the city streets!
–Bedford Ave & 6th St
Trashy girl (loudly): So I was suckin his cock for like 45 minutes and nothin happened, I was like, “fuck yo problem?”
Friend: Word?
Trashy girl: For real! (turns to staring suit) Excuse me, this is a private conversation!
–A Train
