Under the Influence of Wednesday One-Liners

Drunk Santa to drunk female Santa: I didn’t know what to do! I don’t know anything about kids!

–Rockefeller Center

Overheard by: James

Tipsy LI teen to friend buying LIRR ticket: Is the machine gonna give you a bunch of Sacajaweas? … Dude… Sack-a-ja-wee-wee! She’s gonna be all up in your piece!


Overheard by: pri

Drunk girl sobbing to another: You’re my opposite! You’re my everything!

–Sala One Nine

Overheard by: And I’m in the fifth dimension…

Drunk man: My penis can touch my asshole!

–12th & 3rd

Drunk girl: You know what would be really weird and sort of pointless? A life-size map.

–12th & 2nd

Drunk white guy to passerby: He act like is my fault that I’m drunk.

–39th & 8th

Overheard by: How odd is that