Bus driver: Just a friendly reminder, folks: it is now holiday season! Holiday shopping season! So, for those of you who insist on utilizing the crosstown bus, please remember to add six hours onto your regular travel time!
–M14D crosstown bus
Conductor: This is the A express. Forty‐second Street is next. And remember: only ten shopping days left until Christmas!
–A train, 59th St
Overheard by: Call me Santa
Man on cell: What did I get you for for Christmas last year? … Oh, yeah, I bought you all that! [Smiles sheepishly.] Well, I ain’t buying you shit this Christmas!
Overheard by: marcusmarc
Old black dude to Salvation Army Santa: Hahaha! You ring that bell like a faggot!
–33rd & 7th
Conductor: Now would be a good time to discuss the idea of pickpockets — they’re running wild everywhere during this Christmas time! And that’s your paranoia for the day!
Santa on cell: Bro, I totally almost fucked a girl dressed as a reindeer last night.
Overheard by: ryan
Conductor: Good morning, ladies and gentlemen. I hope you’re all doing well. Just wanted to remind you to take all your belongings with you as you exit the train. Have a wonderful holiday… Be safe, be good, and if you can’t be good, be good‐looking.
Overheard by: apparently out of luck