Wednesday One-Liners Are the Root of All Evil

Elderly shopkeeper in the pouring rain: Hey! Hey, amigo! When you go home, don’t take shower. You save money on bills.

–Morgan & Flushing, Brooklyn

Overheard by: Erin Partridge

Hobo: Man, I need a hundred dollars. Gimme a hundred dollars! I need Viagra.

–13th & University

Overheard by: Daniel

Shrewd negotiator: You don’t gimme da money, you not gonna get da baby.

–Elevator, 26th & East River housing complex

Hobo to girl: Bitch, I don’t want your money! Do I look like I want your money? I don’t think so. You go and walk on. Bitch all be thinking I need her money. Why don’t you go and spend it on yourself?! Those heels are about to break. [lowers voice] Bitch be all wearin’ cheap heels and handin’ me money.

–50th & Park

Overheard by: Sara

Woman on cell: What?….Are you there??…We’ll take New York back, and you better give me my fucking money!

–W Broadway & Chambers

Overheard by: Let’s hope she was refering to Monopoly

Suit on cell: It’s like, “No, homeless person, you can’t have a quarter, I need money for resume paper.”

–Court & Joralemon

Overheard by: elmer

Girl, joining friend: Sorry I’m late. I just made $100 across the street.

–Post office, 14th & A