Underage drunk guy to girl: You know Boston Market? You know those chickens in the rotisserie in the window? Well, imagine yourself in that position. Don’t be Boston Market.
–Duane Reade, 34th & 3rd
WASP lady: It’s so annoying — birds chirping everywhere.
–Madison Square Park
Drunk guy: Hearing birds fucking is awful. This one time I saw this bird fuckin’ another bird in the ass. Then he pulls out and a couple of pellets pop out. The other bird was shittin’ on his fuckin’ dick, bro! Birds are fucked up, man!
–LIRR, between Flatbush Ave & Jamaica
Overheard by: Stevie
Bimbette: Did you see the Planet Earth series? Remember those birds doing the mating dance? Yeah, those birds were so hot. I would do them…
–Cold Stone, 86th & 2nd
Overheard by: Shaking my head at our sad culture
Young lady suit on cell: I have a feeling today is going to suck — the crazy bird man is strolling down the block as we speak. Yeah, the one I saw on the subway last month.
–31st & 8th
Old lady: I am very much looking forward to introducing you to my chicken.
–8th & 5th
Overheard by: I am too
