Old woman: Did you see this play?
Old man: Yes.
Old woman: Well, do you know who the father of the baby is?
Old man: Well, I know it wasn’t me.
–59th & Park
Old woman: Did you see this play?
Old man: Yes.
Old woman: Well, do you know who the father of the baby is?
Old man: Well, I know it wasn’t me.
–59th & Park
Two women are waiting for the bathroom.
Woman #1: They’ve been 20 minutes in there, all you need to do is rip down your underwear and you’re done, it’s not difficult!
Woman #2: Yeah, are they, like, having babies in there?
–Barnes & Noble, 5th Avenue
Man on cell: I didn’t know it was your baby crying! I thought you were watching some animal show. I wouldn’t have made the comment about the hyena if I knew it was your baby!…Well, yeah, I probably would have…hey, whatever happened to you and ugly-ass Omar?
–Penn Station
Overheard by: Krista Gundersen
Mom: Why don’t we take the baby to go pumpkin picking this week?
Dad: No.
Mom: Why not?
Dad: Because it’s too dangerous.
–Annadale, Staten Island
Overheard by: flappers
Girl #1: We totally only hired her because she’s British.
Girl #2: Oh, is she the one who smells like babies?
Girl #1: Yeah…
–East Village
Girl: Her baby was premature, and she already has health problems. She only has one liver.
–Puck Fair, Lafayette St
Girl: A human baby takes seven or eight weeks to look adorable. A puppy is cute right away.
–31st Ave & 44th St, Queens
Overheard by: Jake
Guy: Where is that crying baby coming from? It better not be in that trash can.
–18th St & 5th Ave
Woman on cell in bathroom stall: Well, shit, I wouldn’t had his baby if I’d known he was on drugs! Hang on… No, I’m in da bafroom. Da bafroom! Ok, later.
–Bathroom in office building, 51st St & 7th Ave
Overheard by: I’m using the one downstairs from now on…
Guy on cell: I wish the baby could go back into your stomach.
–Columbus Circle train station
Teen thug girl holding the Click DVD: Wait, we’re buying this and not baby food?
–Lincoln Park
Overheard by: WTF
Guy: What would you do if you had plans and then your sister had a baby?
Friend: Ummm… I’d go be with my sister.
Guy: Well, I wouldn’t.
–N train
Overheard by: Katie
Chick #1: Dude, everyone’s popping out babies these days. JLo, TomKat, Britney. It’s like they’re the new fucking accessory.
Chick #2: Yeah, who wants a fucking baby anyway? You just turn into a fatass with stretch marks and saggy tits with a screaming infant who no one wants to be around.
Very pregnant passenger: I’m due in two weeks.
Chick #1: Aww! Is it a boy or a girl?
–F train
Guy #1: So, she was eventually diagnosed with Stockholm syndrome. No, not Stockholm syndrome… Munchausen by proxy.
Guy #2: Is that where you make your kid sick to get attention?
Guy #1: Yeah. I mean, who feeds their newborn feces? Who does that?
–21st St & 6th Ave
Teenage boy: No, man! She like… can't get out of bed, because if she stands up, the baby will like fall out.
Teenage girl: What?
–St. Luke's
