Man on cell: I didn’t know it was your baby crying! I thought you were watching some animal show. I wouldn’t have made the comment about the hyena if I knew it was your baby!…Well, yeah, I probably would have…hey, whatever happened to you and ugly-ass Omar?
–Penn Station
Overheard by: Krista Gundersen
Mom: Why don’t we take the baby to go pumpkin picking this week?
Dad: No.
Mom: Why not?
Dad: Because it’s too dangerous.
–Annadale, Staten Island
Overheard by: flappers
Girl #1: We totally only hired her because she’s British.
Girl #2: Oh, is she the one who smells like babies?
Girl #1: Yeah…
–East Village
Girl: Her baby was premature, and she already has health problems. She only has one liver.
–Puck Fair, Lafayette St
Girl: A human baby takes seven or eight weeks to look adorable. A puppy is cute right away.
–31st Ave & 44th St, Queens
Overheard by: Jake
Guy: Where is that crying baby coming from? It better not be in that trash can.
–18th St & 5th Ave
Woman on cell in bathroom stall: Well, shit, I wouldn’t had his baby if I’d known he was on drugs! Hang on… No, I’m in da bafroom. Da bafroom! Ok, later.
–Bathroom in office building, 51st St & 7th Ave
Overheard by: I’m using the one downstairs from now on…
Guy on cell: I wish the baby could go back into your stomach.
–Columbus Circle train station
Teen thug girl holding the Click DVD: Wait, we’re buying this and not baby food?
–Lincoln Park
Overheard by: WTF
Guy: What would you do if you had plans and then your sister had a baby?
Friend: Ummm… I’d go be with my sister.
Guy: Well, I wouldn’t.
–N train
Overheard by: Katie
Chick #1: Dude, everyone’s popping out babies these days. JLo, TomKat, Britney. It’s like they’re the new fucking accessory.
Chick #2: Yeah, who wants a fucking baby anyway? You just turn into a fatass with stretch marks and saggy tits with a screaming infant who no one wants to be around.
Very pregnant passenger: I’m due in two weeks.
Chick #1: Aww! Is it a boy or a girl?
–F train
Guy #1: So, she was eventually diagnosed with Stockholm syndrome. No, not Stockholm syndrome… Munchausen by proxy.
Guy #2: Is that where you make your kid sick to get attention?
Guy #1: Yeah. I mean, who feeds their newborn feces? Who does that?
–21st St & 6th Ave
Teenage boy: No, man! She like… can't get out of bed, because if she stands up, the baby will like fall out.
Teenage girl: What?
–St. Luke's
Young thug to friends: Stop, stop, stop! Stop, seriously, stop. C'mon, I'm not kidding! Seriously. I have shoe phobia!
–Metro-North Rail
Guy with shoe in hand, catching up to woman who lost it: Here you go, Cinderella!
–Manhattan Mall
Overheard by: thorn
Manager of ladies' shoe store: It's easy to close. You put the hooker boots–all this hoochie stuff, with the hooker boots, you put the flats with the flats, you put the day shoes with the day shoes. Now, Narnia over there is another story…
–Macy's
Overheard by: Sarah R
Chick to guy: If you buy me Jimmy Choos, I'll have your baby.
–Rockefeller Center
Overheard by: Lets hope she'll have the baby anyway…
Four-year-old girl stepping out of taxi: Mommy, can we go online to buy shoes today?
–Upper West Side
Overheard by: …wow.
Girl #1: Wow, look at all the babies out here!
Polish queer: Mmm… dinner.
Girl #2: What?
Polish queer: I’m just living up to the stereotype…. Witches? Eating babies?
Girl #2: Oh! I thought you meant Polish people!
Guy: I thought you meant gay people!
–Great Lawn, Central Park
Overheard by: Caroline
