Guy: God, Elizabeth Smart is hot.
Girl: I know! She makes me want to rape.
Guy: ME TOO! We should find her!
Girl: Wasn’t she found?
Guy: Yeah, but I mean find her to abduct her again.
Girl: I’m a raper, not a kidnapper.
Guy: Fine, I’ll kidnap her and we can take turns with the rape.

–Flatiron District

Overheard by: Jeff

NYU girl #1: What the hell is the professor talking about? We can’t use the internet to do research?
NYU girl #2: She doesn’t know what she’s talking about.
NYU girl #1: I mean, an article in The New York Times is totally an academic resource, even if I look at it on their web page. Does she think The New York Times isn’t right?
NYU girl #2: Yeah, fuck her!
NYU girl #1: I also cited the bible in my paper, but that’s totally an academic source.

–Waverly Place

College student with Boston accent: Yeah, I was reading this article in like Newsweek or something, that ranked the states from smartest to dumbest. Massachusetts was in the top ten.
College student with Miami accent: What about Florida?
College student with Boston accent: Florida was like, 47.
College student with Miami accent: Out of how many?


Overheard by: Still Laughing

Girl to guy holding paper with Haiti headline: Oh my god! That is so ironic, coz yesterday, it was like, Sara’s birthday… and she’s totally Haitian.

–7 Train

Overheard by: Dana

Hawker lady: Read all about it! AM New York! Read all about it — AM New York dot com!
Hawker guy, quietly to passersby: Don’t read that shit. They make shit up. Here, have a Metro.

–Penn Station

Overheard by: go rangers!

Brunette #1 to friend: I have like no idea what’s going on in the world right now. I should start watching the news.
Brunette #2: Well, I heard that Italy is becoming less popular. You know, like on the Richter scale.

–78th St & 2nd Ave

Overheard by: Teresa

Big guy: I read the other day on the internet that masturbating can really make you retarded.
Clerk: Really? (long pause) Wow!

–Porn Shop, Time Square

Overheard by: carepicha

Young‐looking 40‐something: So, I’ve got some big news for you all…
Mother: Oh? Really?
Young‐looking 40 something: We’re adding a new member to the family!
Mother: You’re pregnant?!
Young‐looking 40‐something: No, my daughter is. (tilts head towards teenage daughter)

–Cafeteria, Metropolitan Museum of Art

Headline by: Ryan

· “But, Okay, Yes, I Am Too” — Chuckles
· “Just Like Mom Used to Make ’em” — Slater
· “So You DIDN’T Just Save 15% on Car Insurance?” — benj
· “You Know It’s Time to Run for Vice‐President When…” — Morning Glory

Click here to see the new Headline Contest

Employee #1: Do you know who that is?
Employee #2: Some total douchebag! What’s he selling, encyclopedias?
Employee #1: Uh, no, he’s the publisher of the New York Times.

–New York Times Cafeteria

Drunk muscular hipster, after walking into a glass door (shouting): Yeah, you can laugh at me now, but you won’t be laughing when I take my story to Fox News, jerk‐wads!

–L Train

Overheard by: Tom in Bushwick