Big guy: I read the other day on the internet that masturbating can really make you retarded.
Clerk: Really? (long pause) Wow!
–Porn Shop, Time Square
Overheard by: carepicha
Big guy: I read the other day on the internet that masturbating can really make you retarded.
Clerk: Really? (long pause) Wow!
–Porn Shop, Time Square
Overheard by: carepicha
Young-looking 40-something: So, I've got some big news for you all…
Mother: Oh? Really?
Young-looking 40 something: We're adding a new member to the family!
Mother: You're pregnant?!
Young-looking 40-something: No, my daughter is. (tilts head towards teenage daughter)
–Cafeteria, Metropolitan Museum of Art
Headline by: Ryan
Runners-Up:
· “But, Okay, Yes, I Am Too” – Chuckles
· “Just Like Mom Used to Make ’em” – Slater
· “So You DIDN’T Just Save 15% on Car Insurance?” – benj
· “You Know It’s Time to Run for Vice-President When…” – Morning Glory
Employee #1: Do you know who that is?
Employee #2: Some total douchebag! What’s he selling, encyclopedias?
Employee #1: Uh, no, he’s the publisher of the New York Times.
–New York Times Cafeteria
Drunk muscular hipster, after walking into a glass door (shouting): Yeah, you can laugh at me now, but you won't be laughing when I take my story to Fox News, jerk-wads!
–L Train
Overheard by: Tom in Bushwick
Copy boy: Mr. Murdoch on the line.
The news editor on duty picks up the phone.
News editor: Right. Right. OK…Source? No source…Right…It’s Gephardt. OK.
–NY Post Offices
Older Puerto Rican woman: Did you hear about the story of the Dominican woman who locked up her son for 25 years?
(disinterested friend shakes head)
Older Puerto Rican woman: He was gorgeous… beautiful. You know who he looked like?
Disinterested friend: Who?
Older Puerto Rican woman: Jesus Christ!
–106th St & 3rd Ave
Excited am paperman: Am! Get your am!
Disgruntled metro man, quietly to passersby: Metro… Am is full of lies.
–53rd & Lexington
Guy: Dude! It’s the guy who took over Factsheet 5!
Girl: Who?
Guy: Factsheet 5! It was a zine about zines.
Girl: Who?
Guy: Stop saying “who”! Factsheet 5 is not a person!
Girl: What?
–Park Slope
Coworker #1: Wow, I can't believe the space shuttle exploded.
Coworker #2: That's what they get.
Coworker #1: What!?
Coworker #2: Who told them to go into space? That's what they get for flying in the face of god!
Coworker #1: What the hell are you talking about?
Coworker #2: They shouldn't be there. Why do you think every time the space shuttle comes back there are new diseases and shit!
Coworker #1: So you're saying there is life in space!?
Coworker #3: It's true, it's true! They're coming out with new types of onions every day!
–Retail Store Stockroom, Manhattan
Black hipster guy, pointing at newspaper: Look, look at this, I was right! I told you so! Tell me I was right.
Redhead hipster girl: Yeah, you were right.
Black hipster guy: Tell me I was right, and that I'm a sexy motherfucker, and that you want my cock really bad.
Redhead hipster girl: Okay, you were right, you're a sexy motherfucker, and I want your cock sooo bad. (starts whispering in his ear)
Black hipster guy, pushing her away: What is wrong with you? Who raised you? Were you raised by wolves…slutty wolves?
–Uptown 1 Train
