Dude to pal: Hey, it’s nice out — we should go get handjobs.
–Old Town Tavern, 18th & Park
Overheard by: not a bad idea
Saleslady to another: The nicer I am to my boyfriend, the crappier he treats me. Maybe I will bake him something with a laxative in it…
–Queens Mall
Hobo orator: Forty-second Street was a nice place — full of crackheads — until Guiliani came around and cleaned it up.
–N/R/Q station, 42nd St
Dad with two kids, in sing-song voice: Stop it… Stop it… Please be good… Please be nice… Please stop biting me…
–LIRR waiting area, Penn Station
Pilot: Passengers in first class will be receiving a nice, warm breakfast served by our lovely stewardesses… Coach will be receiving cold breakfast. [Pause] Wow, that really sucks.
–Connecting flight to Gatwick Airport
Overheard by: Annoyed Passenger
Loud guy on cell: I did it because I’m a really nice guy. I have a great line of credit at Circuit City.
–111th & Broadway
Overheard by: Snapdragon