Overheard In New York

Archive for the ‘Prison’ Category

Dude, You’d Steal the One-Liners Off a Wednesday

One-armed cracked-out dude to equally cracked-out girlfriend: And he’s lookin’ at me like he ain’t never seen nobody stealin’ before!

–Maria Hernandez Park, Bushwick

Overheard by: matthias

Drunk man to random girl on street: I mean, I stole this girls’ shoelaces, and then she got really mad at me…

–2nd Ave & 4th St

Comedy show peddler: Who wants to buy some stolen shit? (pause) Nah, just kidding, who wants to see a comedy show?

–Times Square

Overheard by: Ali

Woman with pink hair to friend: Fuck that bitch, she still stole my clothes when I was in jail.

–6 Train

Overheard by: Renny

Man to woman, about his father: Yeah, he was so great, so smart… A drug addict. He was always there for me. Like, if I needed something, anything, he’d go steal it for me. That’s what sticks with you, you know?

–1 Train

Overheard by: RDM

…In the 1800s

Girl: Oh my god, I just found out that my high school drama teacher has been sleeping with the kid who’s the star in all of the shows.
Boy: Shit!
Girl: Yeah, I heard they’re both in jail now or something.
Boy: That’s like the time that family in my town had those slaves.

–Crowded Elevator, NYU

Overheard by: confused

The Darker Side of Wednesday One-liners

Woman: You need to swim as much as possible to keep the evil away.

–Riverbank State Park 

Guy: Don’t they have a special section for people in jail?

–Hallmark, 23rd Street

Overheard by: nj

Grandfather: If you don’t listen, I’m never taking you anyplace else dangerous again.

–Belvedere Castle

Guy: Yeah, I had to put my foot down. I decided it’s not okay for my kids to play with firearms anymore.

–4 train

Suit on cell: Blood is very, very chic.

–85th & Lexington

Overheard by: Harri

Guy on cell: How should I know who’s going to be there?…Why do you care who’s going to be there? It’s a funeral, not a fucking social event. 

–Union Square

Overheard by: Ciaran

Woman on cell: Dude, I have a shagadelic aura, because they fucked all night when they were here. That’s why I sold them.

–Coney Island

Overheard by: Selenay

Suit: Man, I was upstate last week, fuck that clean air shit.

–62nd & Columbus

Overheard by: Tabitha

Guy: We’re all Cannabis. We get the chance, we’ll eat each other.

–Kudo Beans, 1st Avenue

Queer: Oh, I forgot to fucking tell you. I sold my soul for $150.

–Christopher Street

Wednesday One-Liners With Teardrop Tattoos

Tall thug to another: Yo,… I love jail food!

–Times Square

Overheard by: Never had it

Dad to overly excited daughter: Yes, you can tell your mom you went in the bouncy castle in front of the prison.

–Atlantic & Smith

Screaming four-year-old to mom: Are you going to put me in jail?

–Q Train

Young mother to baby, pinching his cheeks: Daddy’s in prison! Prisonprisonprisonprisonprison!

–Jackson Heights, Queens

Overheard by: Giving up all hope Newsbunny