Girl on cell: I don’t like you, bye. No, I really don’t like you. You’re not my friend. Bye. No, I don’t like you!
–Manhattan-bound Q train
Overheard by: I love you too… now shut up!
Security guard on phone: I have a lot of friends… I have a lot of friends. I don’t need to live with my friends, under my house.
–Columbia University
Girl on cell: All I heard all night was, ‘Oh my god, that’s Rachel. I used to date her sister’s roommate!’ And, ‘Oh my god, that’s Evan. Her brother went to camp with my ex-girlfriend’s cousin!’ I’m either gonna have to learn how to fake-play Jewish geography, or find myself some non-Jewish friends… Yes, I realize neither of those is possible.
–33rd & 7th
Drunk lunatic screaming at another: Do you wanna die?! Or do you wanna be my friend?!
–31st & Broadway
Overheard by: please don’t make me choose!
Conductor: Excuse me! Excuse me! A little frottage amongst friends never hurt anyone!
–Crowded Metro-North, New Haven Line
Overheard by: vanessa
