Wednesday One-Liners, Esq.

Guy on cell: I’m sorry, I can’t talk now. I’m in the judge’s chambers. [Phone rings again.] Yes, your honor?

–Magic Johnson Theater, 125th St

Woman to three-year-old girl: Well, you need to talk to a lawyer when you want to get married.

–Outside NYU Law School

Black man screaming into phone: I’m tellin’ you, I ain’t goin’ to court no more. I. Am. Not. Goin’!

–City Hall

Pre-law student: Isn’t that arsony?

–Fordham University

Overheard by: Rachel Hoban

Drunk party-goer: No, no, the problem isn’t that they fired all these prosecutors. The problem is they didn’t try to hide it! Clinton did the same thing! It’s all about what you do in public. Like, you can fuck anybody you want, but if you do it in public, it’s rape!


Overheard by: Rose Fox

Law professor: Death is bad, but there is a tax advantage.

–NYU Stern School of Business

Ditzy Chinese chick: So, I went on this job interview with this law firm, right? And this lawyer who was interviewing me was really cute, ya know? So at the end of the interview he stood up, and I wasn’t sure what to say so I said, ‘Well, I don’t know whether you’re going to hire me or not, but I’d really like to fuck you.’ So he came to my apartment after work and fucked me. Then I get a letter two days later telling me I didn’t get the fucking job! Do you think that’s sexual harassment?

–Starbucks, Chinatown

Overheard by: Big Larry