Wednesday One-Liners: So Like Us

Young man: Horses are beautiful, man. They’re like fucking donkeys.

–Central Park

Frustrated kid: For the last time, monkeys do not have chlorophyll!

–Stuyvesant High

Overheard by: Sacagawea

Hobo leaning over and talking to squirrels: Why are you a squirrel?! Why?!

–Washington Square Park

Man: Once, I drove a horse! I took my belt over its head, and I drove that horse with my belt! That horse was like, ‘Woo-woo!’ You know Mary Jane? The candy. The peanut candy. I gave that horse Mary Jane and it went, ‘Woo-woo!’

–A train

Man on cell: … Is this the residence of a three-toed sloth? [Pause.] Are you the proud owner of a three-toed sloth?

–Clinton St & E Broadway

Overheard by: Chris

Blonde: So, I totally know this story. It was about this lion who became best friends with a deer, like, in Africa, and the lion wouldn’t, like, eat the deer, and the deer wouldn’t, like, run from the lion, but then the deer got really skinny and another lion ate him and the first lion got sad and died.

–NJ Transit train to Penn

Chick on cell: It’s been way too long since our sheep lisped.