Archive for the ‘Crying’ Category

Wednesday One-Liners Have a Big Endowment

Girl: We can’t become gay just to fit in at this school!

–NYU

Passer-by: I pay $40k a year for school, and that makes me better than you.

–NYU, Tisch

Overheard by: Dan Lurie

NYU girl at party: My parents are actually really into civil liberties.

–NYU Dorm

NYU chick to friend: I love coke! (passing white lady gives her a strange look) I meant the drink, not the drug, lady! Jeez, I’m a minority student at fucking NYU! You think I can afford a coke habit??

–8th & University

Overheard by: Melissa Perez

Gay NYU student, rolling around on the ground in student lounge: I am obsessed with the ground. I mean, who’s going to judge me? There’s like six million Asians here and none of them are gay.

–Tisch Hall, NYU

Mother, pushing crying two-year-old in stroller: They’re never going to accept you here if you keep screaming!

–NYU Admissions

Overheard by: Sam

Dad Did All the Crying

Nine-year-old girl #1: My mom says that she was in so much pain giving birth to me that they had to give her surgery. My head was too big.
Nine-year-old girl #2: Your head is not big!
Nine-year-old girl #1: Yeah, but when I was a baby it was huge.
Nine-year-old girl #2: Weird. Did you have some sort of disease?
Nine-year-old girl #1: No, but when I came out I wasn’t crying, I was twirling my hair.

–Mannes College of Music

Wheresday One-Liners

NYU guy to tourist friends: Well, here’s Grand Central!

–Broadway & Waverly

Guy on Sidekick to another: I wasn’t sure if he was talking about Buffalo or Baltimore! I mean, I don’t even know where Buffalo is! Is it a state?

–1 Train

Overheard by: amalthya

Ditzy girl sobbing on cell: You don’t understand! They told me I was supposed to go to Penn Station but I just don’t know where that is!

–Penn Station

Overheard by: queenofscots

Guy on cell: I don’t get it – why go all the way to Ireland if you’re not going to go see Stonehenge?

–Costco, Brooklyn

Girlfriend to boyfriend: Is this Times Square?

–85th & 1st

Overheard by: Special K

What Happens When You Use the TV As a Babysitter: A Simulation

Skinny girl: I’m sorry you have to go through this.
Sobbing girl: I just…I just hope he’s going to… be okay.
Skinny girl: Do you think that maybe you want to go and compose yourself in the office?
Sobbing girl: I was just… there. And I would… but the candy… sucks.
Skinny girl: I’ll… I’ll give you my last Mentos.
Sobbing girl: The Freshmaker?

–The Met

Ooo, What About Ice Princess?

Teen #1: What do you think is like the best sports movie ever?
Teen #2: I think The Green Mile.
Teen #3: That ain’t no sports movie, man!
Teen #2: He was runnin’!
Teen #1: I like Rudy.
Teen #2: Naw man, Rudy was a fuckin’ benchwarmer.
Teen #3: Naw, Rudy is all about how the little guy can persevere.
Teen #1: I cried at Rudy.
Teen #3, touching his heart: Yeah, man, Rudy hurts.

–A Train

Overheard by: Brenda

Hush, Little Wednesday, Don’t You One-Liner

Mother to screaming child: Please stop crying and put your coat on. I am not hurting you or torturing you, so please stop crying.

–4th Ave, Brooklyn

Overheard by: olivejuice

Father to kid who just started crying: Hey, stop! I thought I told you to wait until we got home!

–Park Slope, Brooklyn

Overheard by: Lucian

Guy to girl, on Valentine’s Day: You look fat when you cry.

–Cobble Hill

Overheard by: MJB

Hispanic man on phone to girlfriend: Ma, why you cryin?! You should be breaking up with me because I hit you!

–Staten Island Ferry

Guy to girlfriend: I’m sorry I pulled your hair while you were crying.

–Bowery & 2nd