The Best Part of Wednesday One-Liners Ran Down Their Mama’s Leg

Mom to young boy being polite to strangers: Come on, Christopher! Let’s go! People can hold the door open for themselves!

–Barnes & Noble, 7th Ave, Brooklyn

Mom to little son: You think you can do whatever you want?! You came outta my pussy, I sure as hell didn’t come outta yours!

–Magic Johnson Theater, Harlem

Angry dad pulling five-year-old son away from ‘Imagine’ circle: That’s for John Lennon, not for you!

–John Lennon Memorial, Central Park

Overheard by: For Cereal.

Angry mother to six-year-old girl: Kids get murdered! Kids get raped! Life is not free!

–125th St station, 4/5/6 platform

Overheard by: MissPinkKate

Father to three-year-old son: You pinky-promised you wouldn’t act like a bastard!

–Bronx Zoo

Overheard by: Y G B S M

Mom with screaming kids: Come over here! Come over here and pick out which soap you want, because it’s going in your mouth!

–D’Agostino

Overheard by: dank

Mother to four-year-old son: Rodney! Leave that lady alone. She don’t want you. [Grabs son’s arm] I should have read the fine print when I adopted you.

–Jerome & Clinton