They Call Wednesday One-Liners Aaron Burr ‘Cause of How They Drop Hamiltons

Man: There are just two problems. Number one, I can’t find anything to invest in. Number two, I have no money.

–Elevator, 56th & Lex

Overheard by: marisa

Man: So, what exactly does ‘You can win up to a million dollars’ mean?

–7th Ave, Park Slope

Overheard by: Rachel P

Whiny waitress: You know that asshole Conan O’Brien. He didn’t tip me at all on a fifteen hundred dollar tab!

–Main St, Roosevelt Island

Subway prophet: You got your money? Lady, you got your money? You got your jewels? I ain’t gonna rob ya, but you can’t take it with you! You can’t take none of that with you! You got your fine things, but you can’t take that shit with you! Give it to me instead!

–3 train

Young man on cell: I’m thinking maybe I should marry the girl, ’cause she’s got lots of money… And I do kinda love her.

–Forest Hills

Overheard by: Abi