Laughing teen pointing at stranger: My dick all up in this lady’s ass!
–Crowded 3 train, near 96th St
Overheard by: Rich Mintz
Conductor: This train is overcrowded due to an earlier incident. Please stand all the way in and clear the doors. If you don’t clear the doors, this train will not move. [At the next stop] This train is overcrowded. Please– Oh, fuck it [doors close].
–Crowded C train
Overheard by: Beth
Man: Damn, it be lookin’ like the welfare line up in here!
–Crowded L train platform, 6th Ave
Conductor: I know it’s crowded, people, but use some common sense! Please don’t hold the doors open with your head!
–1 train
Overheard by: Vicksburg
Hispanic bus driver on loudspeaker: Get in here. On my bus you’re all Mexican! Move it, people!
–Crowded Q66 bus
Overheard by: Empty Refrigerator
Conductor: People, this train is very crowded, so please — when the doors are closing I want you all to inhale.
–Crowded N train
Mom to baby in oversized pram: We’re never gonna get out of here, we’re never gonna get out of here, we’re never gonna get out of here…
–Crowded A train
Overheard by: Duncan Pflaster
