Old woman: You had an audition today?
Young woman: Yeah, for the Jerry Springer show. I sang ‘Mama Smacked Me on the Asshole.’

–Starbucks, 43rd & 8th

Teen boy #1: You should be a Pokemon for Halloween.
Teen boy #2: Like Jesus?

–Chambers St.

Little girl: Daddy, are there people inside the big balloons?
Father: Only in Scooby‐Doo. He’s a carnivore.

–77th & Columbus

Girl to boy: I just got this computer software that’s supposed to, like, speeden my reading comprehension.
Boy to girl: Oh…right, right, I saw that shit on tv.

–147th & Amsterdam

Man #1, pointing to hobo with Down’s Syndrome: Hey, that’s that one guy from that tv show…
Man #2: Who? That bum?
Man #1: Yeah, that’s that whatsits – that Corky guy. Y’know, with the mongoloid syndrome.
Man #2: Wow…

–Houston & Varick

Overheard by: Houston Lunch

Guy: I want to put a flat screen in my bathroom.
Girl: Interesting…
Guy: Maybe I would actually take baths if I had something else to watch other than my penis floating.

–Houston & Norfolk

Overheard by: David Byrne

Teen kid #1: Yo white people have too much free time to do stupid shit.
Teen kid #2: Yeah, I know: like jump off 30‐story buildings, like those two kids.
Teen kid #1: Yeah, I once saw this white guy who tried to jump over a car and got split in two, like the car was coming at him, and he tried to jump, but it hit him and split him in two pieces right down the middle.
Teen kid #2: For real, you saw that happen?
Teen kid #1: Yeah.
Teen kid #2: Like in person, you saw it happen?
Teen kid #1: Yeah, I saw it happen in person on TV last night.

–5 Train

Overheard by: b

Teenage boy: I still don’t get it, what’s green and goes in the tank?
Teenage girl: The turtle.
Teenage boy: The turtle’s turquoise…
Teenage girl: Its head is green!
Teenage boy: You do realize we’re arguing over a Blue’s Clues episode.

–Grand Central Station

Teen #1: So, did your friend come by?
Teen #2: Yeah, for a quick hot minute. And girl, she’s sooo skinny. And she’s pregnant… And she’s a lesbian.
Teen #1: Ohhh…
Teen #2: I told her she could be on Jerry Springer.

–4 train

Overheard by: NinjaRider

Hipster boy to girl: After the internet age and the digital age, we are now entering the cyborg age.
Hipster girl to boy: Yeah, cyborgs are totally mainstream now. I saw a special on Fox News all about cyborgs and it was totally mainstream.
Hipster boy to girl: My brother has an insulin pump.

–F Train Platform

Overheard by: sadie