Girl: I have to announce when I’m scratching my mons, because I don’t want people to think I’m just standing on the street all sketchily masturbating in public.
–M86 bus
Freshman: You should just go into a different room, masturbate, and then come back!
–Fordham University, Rose Hill
Overheard by: Rachel Hoban
Dude: It’s so hot out! I mean, if it was cold I’d jerk off to warm up.
–Stuyvesant Town
Overheard by: Maia
Man on cell: So, you faked six orgasms?! And you weren’t even masturbating?
–Outside Big Jimmy’s, 77th & 2nd
Overheard by: (a very confused) bronxelf
Hipster on cell: Do you know how boring life would be if you didn’t have to think at all? If you just sat around all day jerking off? God, I showed you what that was like.
–Washington Square Park
Overheard by: Different strokes
Pretty girl: Well, I’m probably prettier than any girl you’ve ever talked to in a club! [Other riders clap.] Have fun with your hand tonight!
–1 train
Overheard by: Bri
