Wednesday One-Liners Join the UFC

Professor: If any of you are sad about Anna Nicole, see me after class. I’ll give you a bitch slap.

–NYU

Family man: We watched two guys fight to the death over a parking space, and then we went to the Ice Capades.

–Central Park, W 72nd

Overheard by: Rachel

Conductor: There will be no fighting on my train! Y’all gonna make me miss my lunch!

–N train

Overheard by: Shawnito

Hobo to entire platform: You’ve seen cripple fights. You’ve seen hobo boxing. Now prepare yourselves for rich white assholes pushing to get on the train. [Train pulls in.] Briefcases may be used as shields. Good luck, folks.

–4/5 platform, Union Square

Overheard by: Orson

Father holding daughter’s hand: You can’t just kick people when you don’t get what you want, Victoria.

–Mott & Canal St

Overheard by: Marie

Teacher: See that guy in the mural? See how many muscles he has? If he wanted to, he could kick your ass. Look at Galileo. Even Galileo could kick your ass!

–Brooklyn Tech High School

Overheard by: Liz

Six-year-old: If you go to my school, you get yo’ ass jumped.

–107th & Manhattan

Overheard by: Emily B.