Hairy guy: She’d be like, ‘Jebediah, get off the Sybian and till those fields!’
–Amtrak
Overheard by: Hot Bi Luvr
Woman with man and kids: I mean, he didn’t even get me a fuckin’ vibrator!
–51st & 9th
Guy shouting at friend halfway down the carriage: Naw bro, my momma’s too big for you, she use you as a dildo nigga.
–Brooklyn-bound L train
Overheard by: Mitchell
Chick on cell: I know everyone thinks that it won’t work out because he’s gay and I’m a lesbian, but he says I’m the sexiest person with a strap-on he’s ever seen. And plus, I get a free trip to Puerto Rico out of it.
–Franklin & Church
Overheard by: Jenny
Dude to friends: Instead of a sex swing I wish he had a video camera so I could see what she looked like.
–72nd & Broadway
Hipster dude to friend eating sandwich: So, is there a dildo in it?
–Rivington & Ludlow
Overheard by: aryn
