Hot chick: Oh, you live on Amsterdam? I used to live on Amsterdam. I threw a bowl of diarrhea out of my window once. Don’t do drugs!
–27th & 30th, Astoria
Queer: I have to buy some toilet paper today. I’m tired of wiping my ass with cocktail napkins.
–36th & Park
Tipsy dude: Do you know what’s awesome? Giant robots can’t even shit on people!
–Sly Fox bar, East Village
Overheard by: Cait O’Connor
Student on cell: Hello, professor? Professor? Oh, he’s taking a shit? Okay, I’ll call back later.
–Arthur Ave
Overheard by: Martin Van Nostrand
Girl: He pulled out and she shit all over. [Friend puts down her chopsticks.]
–Oyama Sushi
Overheard by: No longer hungry