Third baseman: What’s so funny?
Benched teammate: I’m high, retard. Everything’s fuckin’ funny.
–145th & Lenox Avenue softball field
Third baseman: What’s so funny?
Benched teammate: I’m high, retard. Everything’s fuckin’ funny.
–145th & Lenox Avenue softball field
Dad: …you’ve got to use your middle finger.
Son: Which one’s the middle finger?
Dad: This one.
Son: Why’s it called the middle finger?
Dad: Because it’s in the middle of your hand, I guess. There’s two fingers on either side.
Son: That’s retarded.
Dad: It may sound retarded, but that’s the way it is.
–Astoria corner store
Boy: We’re watching Pimp My Ride.
Man: What does “pimp” mean?
Boy: It’s someone who owns women.
–Washington Square Village
Teen boy #1: Yo, your mustache is done, dude! Look, it’s filled all the way in!
Teen boy #2: Yeah, I know! But my mom’s making me shave it.
–1/9 train
Overheard by: Alex
Puerto Rican kid #1: You shut the fuck up, motherfucker!
Puerto Rican kid #2: Come say that to my face! I’ll brush yo’ teeth with my pee pee!
–Williamsburg
Overheard by: Yamin Reshamwala
JHS girl #1: Bitch, I will beat your ass!
JHS girl #2: I’ll beat your mother’s ass!
JHS boy: Y’all two are making my dick hurt.
–Park Slope
Overheard by: Gus Colletti
Girl: …and he says to me, “DSL”.
Boy: DSL?
Girl: I was like, “DSL, what the fuck does that mean?”.
Boy: What did he say?
Girl: “Dick Suckin’ Lips.” And I said, now hold on–
Boy: Damn…
–58th & 8th
Overheard by: Ed C
Boy #1: Do you want to split a bun?
Boy #2: No! I’m not gay!
Boy #1: “Split a bun” means a fucking hamburger, you asshole!
–Greenpoint
Overheard by: CAP
A blonde bumpkin boy stared silently at the heavily tatooed skinhead for 10 minutes before he made his observation: You know what you are? You’re a human doodle pad!
–PATH train to Hoboken
Overheard by: Margo Channing
Girl: Why the fuck is that other train moving?
Boy: Because that train isn’t fucking defective.
Girl: Whatever.
–1 train
