Wednesday One‐Liners Watch Cribs

Creepster: I’ve always thought babies make the best pets.

–Bronx Zoo

Woman on cell: What the hell is this? E’ry bitch in here got somebody else baby! Black ladies got white babies. White ladies got Chinese babies. Is this Take‐somebody‐else‐baby‐to‐the‐park Day? Shit, I wish somebody woulda took mines!

–Madison Square Park

Overheard by: Manhattman

Hipster chick, looking at over‐sized purse: Oh, I like this bag! You could fit a baby in here! [Lady nearby stares.] Y’know, not that I’d ever put a baby… in a bag… Sheesh.

–Urban Outfitters, 2nd Ave

Lady on cell: I know it’s reasonable to worry about things. but I just think it’s sort of strange that you worry about a shark jumping up and snatching your baby while you’re driving over a bridge! [Long pause] Well, did you ever think of rolling up the windows?

–Union Square

Blonde on cell: So, my friend took me to this vegan barbecue this weekend. Fucking bullshit. I had to go home and eat a baby just to feel normal again.

–59th & 5th