Flight attendants

Flight attendant, during speech: There is also an overhead call button, that if you misuse, will eject you from the aircraft.

Flight go Los Angeles, California

Overheard by: Hikari

Flight attendant: Good afternoon, ladies and gentlemen, welcome aboard flight 1751 to Raleigh-Durham. My name is John and I am your head flight attendant today. I will be assisted by my lovely fiancee Sarah and my ex-wife Jill. It may be a little awkward but we hope you have a pleasant flight.

Atlanta, Georgia

Flight attendant: So I'm gonna let the lady in the box [the recording] take it away in French, then I'll finish up in English, because we like to save the best for last!
Entire plane: Oooooooooooooh!
Lady at the back (in French): We're still in Quebec, you know!

WestJet Flight

Stewardess at gate: If everyone can have their boarding passes out and ready for me then I can make this go a lot quicker…and if you don't ask me any stupid questions that would help too, thank you! (smiles and starts scanning passes)

Flight from Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania

Gay male flight attendant: If you'll be requiring wheelchair assistance when we get to Cleveland, please remain seated. Because, if you stand up, we'll assume you've been healed by the Holy Spirit and no longer need our help.
Passengers: (laughter)
Flight attendant: And please keep your seatbelts fastened until we've reached the gate and come to a complete stop.
(man in front row unbuckles his belt)
Flight attendant: Stop it, cheater!

Southwest Airlines Flight
Cleveland, Ohio

Overheard by: Erica

Flight attendant: Please ensure that your mobile phone is switched off for take-off. If you don't know how to turn your phone off, there are plenty of kids on this flight who do.

Adelaide Airport

Flight attendant: As we prepare to disembark, please check to make sure you have not abandoned any bags, personal items or children. All abandoned items will be divided up among the flight attendants, except the children, who will be given to the captain.

JetBlue Flight

Male flight attendant: … And if you brought more than two children with you today, decide which your favorite is and oxygen that one first.

Southwest Airlines Flight #135

Flight attendant to another: I don’t mean to alarm you, but last night I went into cardiac arrest.


Overheard by:

Flight attendant, before takeoff: My name is Marynell. That’s ‘Mary’ and ‘Nell,’ not just Mary… But that’s probably too much information since this is such a short flight.

United flight 6056
Madison, Wisconsin to Chicago, Illinois

Overheard by: archdiva