Wednesday One-Liners Enter a Persistent Vegetative State

Hipster on cell: Yo, eggplant can be vegetarian, right?

–77th between 2nd & 3rd

Overheard by: Anonymous Ambivore

Middle-Aged woman: Damn vegetarians, always trying to take over the world.

–Starbucks, 51st & Broadway

Overheard by: Emaline

Girl: Are bums allowed to be vegetarian?

–Chipotle, 6th Ave between 21st & 22nd

Overheard by: Rabid-Panda

Guy: She’s vegetarian?! I thought she was an alcoholic?

–B7 bus

Shrewd observer: You’ve had way too much cock in your mouth to be vegan.

–Outside The Lucky Cat, 245 Grand St, Williamsburg

Overheard by: Constintina

Shoeshine man to group of young people: It ain’t natural. Our bodies, they have the hormones to digest meat. If we were like a goat–and not to insult you, miss, ’cause you’re prettier than a goat–but then that’s okay that we don’t eat meat. But we ain’t. We’re carnivores. If you’re a vegetarian, you gotta listen to your body. It’s tellin’ you: “Meat me!” You know, like, “Meat me!”

–Washington Square Park

Overheard by: jacqmander