Wednesday One‐Liners Dread Ending Up on The Surreal Life

NYU guy to pal: If you could pick any five girls, and one of them had to be Tom Cruise…

–St. Mark’s & 3rd

Overheard by: Lexey

Man: If Leonard Cohen were a hamster, I’d kill him.

–Freddy’s Bar, Brooklyn

Hobo: Donald Trump is my cousin, but he doesn’t know it because I came out black.

–Museum Mile

Teen girl on cell: Hey, I just read that Brad and Angelina decided to adopt their next kid from Vietnam. You totally have a shot… No, seriously, you should apply. I mean, I guess you’d have to try out and stuff, but it’d so be worth it.

–Staten Island Ferry Terminal, Whitehall St

Skinny black goth girl: Am I gay, or am I Paris Hilton?!

–Cardozo High School

MTA elevator operator to another: You don’t have to be forgiven. Clint Eastwood taught us that.

–1 train station elevator, 168th St

Overheard by: martin gehrke

Guy on cell in line: Yeah, she’s messing around with Michael Jordan and shit! You do not want your lady messing around with Michael Jordan!

–Rite Aid, Brooklyn Heights

Overheard by: dutchman