Creepy goth guy: Wait, so did he cry when you guys broke up?
Fat chick: Basically, it was like, ‘Things are different now, dude. It’s a complete role reversal. It’s like I’m the guy and you’re the girl, and, quite frankly, I don’t want to put my dick in you.’
Creepy goth guy: Oh, I’ve heard that one before.
–The Met
Overheard by: Shaaaane
Woman #1: Look, they have cobras here! Are they real?
Woman #2: [Looks on silently.]Woman #1: Oh, they’re bronze.
–The Met
Mom: Why don’t you pick out some nice earrings for me for Mother’s Day?
Little boy: I don’t have that much money. For Mother’s Day I’m getting you a hot dog.
–Gift store, the Met
Overheard by: Ki
Mom: John, you’re killing me!
Son hugging her tightly: Wear your armor next time.
–Outside the Met
Overheard by: Sumo
High school girl #1: Imagine posing for all of these artists.
High school girl #2: Yeah, but you’d be standing around naked all of the time.
High school girl #1: You probably didn’t have to be entirely naked.
–Vollard exhibit, the Met
Sitting tourist #1: They should have more chairs in these exhibits.
Sitting tourist #2: No, they should give everyone a massage at the end.
–Americans in Paris exhibit, the Met
Six-year-old boy: Look, Daddy — another Picasso!
Father: No, it isn’t. You know better than that.
–Modern Wing, Metropolitan Museum of Art
Overheard by: Jim W.
Tourist: Are there like, [pause], any paintings in this museum, or is it, like, all old sculptures and shit?
Met employee: We have half an old liver somewhere.
–The Met’s Velez Bianco Patio
Overheard by: Cairo
Bimbettte, looking at a painting of Joan of Arc: Oooh, that’s so pretty!
Boyfriend: Did you see the movie?
Bimbette: Yeah, didn’t she die or something?
–The Met
