Wednesday One-Liners Are Potty Trained

Girl on cell: What? What do you mean? What do you mean your audition is gonna be in a bathroom?

–42nd and 10th

Overheard by: dk

Hurrying lady: …and a urinal cake is worth fifteen points.

–43rd & 8th

Overheard by: Casper

Gay usher, loudly: Sex just isn’t the same when you’re constipated.

–Daryl Roth Theatre, Union Square

Hipster girl: So I just said to him, “Bye, I have to go now. I have diarrhea!”…Diarrhea is like the anti-aphrodisiac.

–Brooklyn bound F train

Woman on cell: Did you just say that you had a dream where Gene Wilder peed in your closet? Like, Willy Wonka, pissing on your clothes? Okay, I just wanted to make sure I heard correctly.

–Penn Station

Overheard by: baffled

Dude: Nah, I wouldn’t piss on someone if I didn’t know them.

–Bar, Queens

Man, to woman having trouble with the bathroom door: Oh come on, you fucking cunt, work the damn door. Big fucking place like this, they got only one bathroom, I am fucking pissing on the floor. I will piss on the damn floor. That’s my fucking right as an American. I’m a patriot. Patriot, that’s an adverb. An action adverb. Mrs. Riegell told me in third grade if you have a syllable you’ve got an adverb, and I got a damn syllable, so damnit, I’m pissing on the fucking floor.

–Virgin Megastore, Union Square