[Plane lands, bounces 20 feet into the air, finally slams back to earth, knocking all the oxygen masks out.]Flight Attendant: Thank you for choosing American Airlines, ladies and gentlemen, obviously we have have landed…
Overheard by: M. Smith/Terrified Passenger
Flight Attendant: Chicken or beef? Chicken or beef? … Don’t think about it too long honey, they taste like cardboard.
Flight Attendant: We have two lavatories in the back of the plane and one in the front. Please use them.
Pilot: Remember, there are 50 ways to leave your lover, but only 8 ways out of this aircraft.
Overheard by: cms
Pilot, after an unusually smooth landing: God damn, that landin’ was butta!
–Jet Blue JFK