Isn’t It Time You Talked to Your Kids About Wednesday One-Liners?

Creepster: Hey there… do you like drugs? … How about Gandhi?

–Chambers &and West Broadway

Girl on cell: So I opened the envelope on the train… Yeah it was heroin.

–W 46th Ave

Bum: Excuse me! Hey, hey! Excuse me! Check it out! I am going to smoke crack all fucking night, and there isn’t anything anyone can do about it, because that’s what I’m going to do, I’m going to smoke so much crack!

–West 4th at Washington Square Park

Overheard by: Cory

Guy to hungover girl: Everyday you look more and more like you do heroin.

–Relish Bar & Grill

Preppy dude: I like doing drugs too much to be a Buddhist.

–Arlene’s Grocery

Mom to ten-year-old son: … But that’s like saying heroin is the only drug to try!

–14th St & 9th Ave

Posted on August 8, 2015
All Wednesday One-Liners, Buddha, Compare/Contrast, Creepsters, Drugs, Grocery Stores, Guys, Hard Drugs, Heroin, History & Geography, Homeless, Insults, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Moms, Names, Physical appearance, Preppies, Public Transportation, Questions, Restaurants & Cafes, Street, The Village, Union Square and East Village, Washington Square Park, Weirdness

Do You Want Fat Feet?

Preppy girl #1, in orgasmic voice: Candy-covered chocolate uggs!
Preppy girl #2: Shut up, Tiffany!

–M79 Bus

Overheard by: Fresca P.

Posted on August 5, 2015
Food, Girls, On the Bus, Preppies, Shoes, Weirdness

And I've Already Collected That

Hipster guy: Suck my balls.
Preppy girl: But…you have scabies.

–Grand Central

Posted on August 1, 2015
Ass, BJs, Grand Central, Health and Hygiene, Hipsters, Preppies

Wednesday One-Liners Prefer to Think of It As “Well-Traveled”

Hipster guy to hipster chick: …and he's like, "I didn't come; why is there so much come all over?" And she's like, "Oh, you're number 23." So he's like, "Oh, okay." And he starts pounding away again!

–Bedford & 11th, Williamsburg

Overheard by: Kaitlen

Woman, with her mouth about an inch from a guy, about to kiss him: I can't, I already had sex with three guys today.

–Grand Central

Overheard by: Derek

Girl to friend: I'm really worried about her. I think she has a serious case of slutism.

–66th & Columbus

Preppy girl on cell: Yeah, so apparently "Happy hour Tuesday" equals "Walk of shame Wednesday." I just wish I could've been working at my job for more than a week before I walked in reeking of shame and spermicide. (pause) Actually, I wish the spermicide thing was true. Then I wouldn't have to drop $50 bucks today on plan B.

–Wall St

Teenage boy on cell: She's still sleeping with my brother. I mean, my brother is sleeping with like ten other girls…but she's in his regular rotation.

–Starbucks, Montague Street

NYU student on cell: But logic doesn't call you back. Logic sleeps with you and leaves in the morning.

–Kimmel Center

Posted on July 22, 2015
All Wednesday One-Liners, Boys, Cum, Family Ties, Girls, Grand Central, Guys, Hipsters, Hook Ups, Illness, Jobs & Careers, On Cell, Philosophy, Pregnancy & Birth Control, Preppies, Sex, Sloppy Seconds, Starbucks, Students, Teens, Upper West Side & Lincoln Center, Wall Street, TriBeCa, South Street Seaport, Washington Square Park, Weirdness, Williamsburg, Women, Words

But Dark Souls Are Really Hot This Season

Rockabilly girl: I’m a little evil.
Preppy girl: Well, think about our friends — you’d almost have to be. I definitely am.
Rockabilly girl: Jenny, our friends are horrible people.
Preppy girl: True.

–Essex & Rivington

Posted on July 22, 2015
Insults, Preppies, Union Square and East Village

Unless Natalie Portman Starts Returning My Letters

White teen: I don’t think I could date an ugly girl.
Preppy black teen: Yeah…
White teen: I think I’ll just marry a hot one for the sex and cheat on her emotionally with someone who is actually smart.

–Grand Central

Posted on July 22, 2015
Beauty, Black People, Dating, Girls, Grand Central, Guys, Marriage, Preppies, Sex, Teens

‘One of These Things Is Not Like the Other…’

Thuggish black guy #1: That was mad niggerish.
Preppy black guy: Yeah, it was so fiscally irresponsible.
Thuggish black guy #2: Yeah, so niggerish.

–114th & Broadway

Overheard by: puzzled

Posted on July 19, 2015
Black People, Harlem & Morningside Heights, Insults, Money & Class, Preppies, Stupidity, Thugs, Words

Christopher Reeve was Pretty, and He was Broke

Hobo: Hey man, can I have a buck?
Abercrombie: No, I’m sorry, I only have $2 on me.
Hobo: Come on man.
Abercrombie: I’m really sorry pal…I need it.
Hobo: Come on! You’re pretty and pretty people are never broke.
Abercrombie: Yes we are! We just look better in it, now leave me alone!

–42nd & 7th

Overheard by: Matthew Mundo

Posted on July 6, 2015
Beauty, Hobos, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Money & Class, Preppies

Wow, Yours Are Exactly the Same As Mine!

Prep #1: Let’s go play GameCube and listen to Jack Johnson and share our emotions.
Prep #2: Yeah!

–S train

Overheard by: Elizabeth

Posted on June 9, 2015
Friendship, On the Subway, Preppies, Video Games

Wednesday One-Liners Know It’s Better to Look Good Than to Feel Good

Girl: I want a Marc Jacobs bag, and I don’t care if it’s made of baby cow!

–Outside the Met

Overheard by: wants baby cow bag, too

Guy, explaining his pants: Yeah, they look gay, but they make my junk look huge.

–Midtown

Man picking up trash to woman picking up trash: How you gonna make ten dollars an hour and have people making minimum wage looking better than you?

–Madison Sq Park

Shopaholic: I know! One time I thought there was more to life than that. But then I went back to Bloomingdale’s.

–59th & Madison

Overheard by: DM Cook

Teenage girl on phone: So where are you?…So,what happened?…Not to your shoe! In the hospital!

–Central Park

Overheard by: concerned trespasser

Cougar-in-Training, looking at non-trendy partygoers: Clearly they don’t belong here.

–Rooftop party, the SoHo House

Posted on June 7, 2015
All Wednesday One-Liners, Bimbettes, Biotechs, Central Park, Fashion, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, On Cell, Penis, Preppies, Shopping, Soho, Teens, Upper East Side

Preppies

And I've Already Collected That